Someone you thought was your "ideal" lover actually thinks you're just a friend? While it may seem nearly impossible to find a better person, you can overcome the loss and move on again. Letting go of love is as unique as falling in love. You can disconnect emotionally by taking the following steps.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Accepting the fact that you feel sad
Step 1. Give yourself time to grieve
Eliminating love makes you sad because of the end of the relationship. In a situation like this, it's natural to feel deep sadness. The emotional burden will be heavier if you act casual and pretend not to be sad. The right way to get rid of love is to be sad for a while so you can accept the fact that the relationship is over.
If possible, take a few days off to do activities that make you feel comfortable (and don't hurt yourself). Watch a sad movie, go to sleep, or enjoy a bowl of ice cream. If the sadness is unbearable, remember that the suffering will gradually lessen
Step 2. Take time to reflect on your recently ended relationship
In order to forget the experience that made you feel sad, remember the good and the bad (which there are) during the relationship. Be grateful for the good, but don't forget the bad because you need to think about the new opportunities that are wide open to you right now.
- When sadness peaks, you may only remember the good and forget about the flaws or weaknesses. Make sure you remember both.
- Be grateful for the changes you are going through and the opportunity to develop yourself because of loving him, but admit if there are things that are holding you back or feeling insecure. There are lessons to be learned as you learn and develop yourself.
Step 3. Make sure you can be alone for a while
Don't rush into a relationship again or try to distract yourself by socializing and engaging in various activities. Learn to accept reality and deal with disappointments so that you can let go of love in the right way. Think in a balanced way what you want and what you need and then try to make it happen. Ask for emotional and social support from friends and family members.
If you want to share your experience with someone, spend time with close friends. Find someone who is understanding and gives you a chance to share your grief. As a neutral person, he is able to give honest opinions according to his perspective. If you're willing to accept input, good advice from a close friend can help you accept your loss and start thinking about the future. Don't dwell on the breakup for too long, find fault, or think about your ex. Instead, focus on yourself and what you need to do to overcome the disappointment and then move on
Step 4. Share your feelings
An important aspect of the recovery process is expressing feelings. Don't share your feelings with everyone, except those who are trustworthy. You will feel relieved just by telling how you feel.
- Spend time writing a journal, poem, or short story. Start drawing or painting, compose a song, learn to play a musical instrument, or practice reading poetry. Creative activity is a means of expressing sadness while creating something beautiful through your experiences.
- If you're not inspired or aren't an art lover, visit a museum, catch a show at the theater, or listen to a music concert. Sometimes, seeing or hearing different interpretations through artists helps you understand this as a universal experience that connects you with everyone. Although painful, this experience makes life more meaningful. After all, you can't feel truly loved if you've never felt lost.
Part 2 of 4: Starting a New Life
Step 1. Prioritize the important things
In order to forget bad experiences and live life as normal, don't overreact and get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Keep a few things that remind you of your best time with him, like the shells you found on the beach or a photo of the two of you celebrating New Year's Eve. In this way, you stay positive and are able to maintain a correct perception of what you are experiencing.
- While this step is very useful, you may not be ready to do it right now. Put the object you want to store in a cardboard box and place it out of sight. You can take it out again when the emotions have recovered.
- These include digital files that can be stored on a flash drive and then deleted from the computer.
Step 2. Keep another reminder
After selecting the items to save, you need to avoid other reminders. Make sure you don't see anything that reminds you of him as you go about your day.
If any of his belongings are still in your house, return them. Untag (untag) your photos on Facebook. Delete any photos on your Facebook account and any other digital files (such as voice recordings on your phone) that remind you of them. According to research, keeping things belonging to former lovers prolongs feelings of sadness and hinders the recovery process
Step 3. Don't find out about his daily life
In order to forget someone, try to cut off your attachment at least until your emotions stabilize and you can both be friends again (if that's what you want). Apart from the emotional aspect, love makes the brain undergo the same chemical changes as drug addiction. Every time you see an ex-lover or think of him or her, it can overcome the addiction triggered by the addiction.
- Don't ask her out for coffee, call her, or text her. Don't ask friends how they are. Stop thinking about it and start thinking about yourself. Experts recommend that you don't interact with him 30-90 days after separating.
- Unfollow/unfriend the account on social media. You'll have a hard time losing your love if you're always trying to find out how he's doing, whether on purpose or not. Therefore, avoid interacting with him at all via social media (at least for now) so that you can think about more important and useful things, such as taking care of yourself.
Step 4. Don't socialize with mutual friends for a while
Hanging out with mutual friends when the two of you have just separated is bad for your emotional health.
- Explain that you need to calm your mind and want to be alone until you feel more stable. Good friends are able to understand this.
- Mutual friends also include friends on Facebook, especially friends who often upload photos of their ex-lover. Seeing or hearing the little things that remind you of him makes you grieve all the time. As much as possible, disconnect from mutual friends on Facebook, temporarily block their accounts, or stay off social media until you've recovered.
Step 5. Determine the right time to make friends again
If the relationship was okay and the breakup was mutual or the two of you had been best friends for a long time, give him enough time before you become friends with him again. Love is very difficult to get rid of if you meet again immediately after parting.
- Many people take several years to let go of their deep love for someone until they are ready to be best friends again. Maybe you need to wait until you both love the other person and are committed to a new relationship before becoming friends again.
- Sometimes, both parties can't be friends anymore, especially if the breakup wasn't mutual.
Part 3 of 4: Focusing on Yourself
Step 1. Explore to better understand yourself
After the breakup, you can think more objectively without having to think about things related to the relationship. This will help you get a clearer picture of who you really are. Start by finding out your strengths and weaknesses. Think again about the things that should be prioritized or your life goals. Maybe you want something because you're considering living forever with your ex, but right now, you may have a different desire.
- Friendship can be an example that explains this well. When you are in a romantic relationship, you may rarely interact with a few close friends. This is a good time to restore friendship.
- Remember who you were before you met your ex and then live your life when you were single. For example, you like to watch shows in the theater, he doesn't; he likes you long hair, you prefer short hair. While you're still with him, you may have abandoned your hobbies, drifted away from your friends, or changed some traits. Once you're separated, you're free to decide which aspect of yourself you want to keep.
Step 2. Be independent
Falling in love tends to make a person very dependent on his lover. However, if you want to live a happy life and have a lasting relationship, you have to be independent. In order to be able to rely on yourself, you need to have confidence in yourself and realize that you are a tough person and capable of doing things on your own. Start prioritizing yourself. Remember that you are a person who has complete freedom. Do the things you've always wanted to do, but haven't had the time to do.
Give yourself time to eat at a restaurant or watch a movie at the cinema. It's better if you enjoy your favorite food or watch a favorite movie that he doesn't like
Step 3. Do a new activity
Apart from being nice to be able to go outside and enjoy new things, this method will help you forget about it and make yourself happy. Take up a new hobby, volunteer, or learn a new skill. Seek new knowledge through the internet. You don't know what you like after this.
- Travel as often as possible. Travel is a great way to record memories and gain new experiences, both positive and negative. By focusing on new experiences, you can forget (at least think less about) past experiences and problems.
- Keep in mind that traveling doesn't necessarily mean buying a plane ticket abroad because traveling out of town is a lot of fun too! This step is the best opportunity to do activities outside the home, visit various new tourist sites, and do new things.
Part 4 of 4: Stepping Again
Step 1. Accept the fact that the two of you are not in a relationship
One of the most important things to get ready to take another step is to accept the fact that the two of you weren't meant to be partners in life. Try to understand that the relationship will continue to have problems if he doesn't love you or one of the parties is unhappy because this situation makes you unhappy. You have the right to be in a relationship with someone who loves you as much as you love him so that you both make each other happy because no one else can.
Be grateful for the good things you experience during your relationship, such as the opportunity to better understand the other person's feelings and what you expect from your partner. In addition, the ability to be grateful for the opportunity to love him makes you free from sadness because you realize that feeling sad has its benefits
Step 2. Set aside time to meet new friends
Start socializing to find the right partner, unless you prefer to be single. Don't be in a hurry as this will take time. Do not push yourself. If you want to socialize, step outside and don't do things that make you uncomfortable.
Make new friends by doing activities in groups or clubs. Join religious or social organizations that match your interests. Share your time and energy by volunteering. Also, pay attention to people at work, school, or in the community you've been ignoring. Be friendly and kind to everyone
Step 3. Get ready to open your heart again
Falling in love or at least realizing that there is still someone worthy of love is an important aspect of getting over your ex. Instead of going on a date right away, it's better for the two of you to be casual friends until you get to know each other. Many people take some time to recover. Do not let you hurt other people's feelings because you are not able to fulfill commitments.
Know that you are ready to date again if you are able to love and respect yourself. In fact, we attract people who treat us the way we treat ourselves. If you're always feeling sorry for and doubting yourself, it's impossible for you to attract someone who loves you for who you are
Step 4. Realize that you don't need to lose love
Just as exercising can feel overwhelming if you don't have any interest, you don't "have to" give up love. If you love someone with true love, it can be very difficult to let them go. However, you can leave the past behind, live a life uncontrolled by love, and find a new, happy love.
- Don't let your heart be filled with hatred or negative emotions. In order to get over your disappointment and move on again, you are unconsciously trying to hate your ex. If he's ever hurt or attacked you, it's normal to be angry. However, you better forgive him, not for his sake, but for yourself. Holding on to hatred is like drinking poison that slowly destroys the joy of life and makes you incapable of having healthy relationships.
- Do not find fault with him and write down all his shortcomings so that he becomes a person who deserves to be hated. Don't force yourself to think about things you shouldn't think about. This only triggers negative emotions in the heart so that the opportunity to experience positive things is closed to you.
Step 5. Fall in love again
This step can be the last aspect of the healing process. New love will rekindle your faith and show you how beautiful love is. More importantly, make sure you love the person who loves you. This is the love you deserve!
- If you meet someone who knows you and loves you for who you are, don't feel guilty about falling in love with a different person again. You don't betray or belittle past experiences for finding new love. Storybooks about fairies contain more than 1 story. Our heart is a book with many pages.
- If you haven't been in love in a while, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. Some people take longer to recover. Prioritize doing things that make you feel happy.
Tips
- Don't make someone an object of affection or assume that no one meets your criteria. Don't be carried away by someone's kindness because you're comparing them to others.
- When starting a new hobby, make sure it has nothing to do with the person you want to forget. Otherwise, this step will feel very challenging.
- Don't be in a relationship with someone related to your ex.
