Overcoming failure must start from yourself. First of all, you have to overcome a sense of failure. Failure in work, relationships, or other plans may make you feel depressed. However, you can overcome failure by learning to accept the disappointments and mistakes you have made. Realistic optimism can help you develop new plans so that past failures don't happen again. Remember that you must make persistence a long-term goal in order for you to adapt and grow. Every failure is an opportunity to become stronger and wiser.
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Part 1 of 3: Overcoming Disappointment
Step 1. Recognize your emotions
When you fail, you may find yourself blaming yourself, feeling disappointed, and hopeless. The habit of holding on to suffering can be bad for your health, relationships, and hinder your success in the future. Identify the emotion you're feeling and name it, whether you're angry, sad, scared, or embarrassed. This will help you deal with your emotions without blaming yourself or others.
- Get to know your feelings. Coping with or eliminating disappointment without recognizing how you really feel can lead you to act rashly.
- Your health will be in trouble if you continue to suppress suffering because you can experience chronic disease, sleep deprivation, and heart disease.
Step 2. Accept what happened
Once you're able to relieve the disappointment of having just been hit hard, try to accept what happened. You'll have a hard time taking action if you keep blaming yourself or others. Likewise if you pretend nothing important happened or that nothing happened. Write down or reflect on everything that happened to you, what caused it, and what the consequences were. Just state the facts without blaming, judging, or judging. Keep a diary or write a letter to yourself.
- If you don't like expressing your feelings through writing, find someone you can talk to. A close friend, close family member, or counselor can help you deal with denial.
- Gather opinions from all parties who have no emotional involvement in the matter. For example, your friend may see the failure of your relationship as an early sign of a rift.
- If you can't get over the urge to deny, try to find out what's holding you back. For example, you refuse to discuss or admit what happened, don't want to see if you also played a part in this failure, or ignore the consequences of this problem. What are you afraid of having to admit failure? You may feel like a failure because your child is addicted to drugs, but you don't want to face this problem. Instead, you deny it and keep giving money to buy "clothes" even though you know that your child is using this money to buy drugs.
- Recognize irrational or exaggerated fears. Does failure make you worry that you will come across as stupid and lousy? Do you imagine that you are the only one who has encountered an obstacle like this and is being judged? Are you worried that other people will feel disappointed or dislike you because you failed?
- Think about what the consequences will be if you act and don't act. What can you gain by taking action? What might get worse if you just keep quiet? After a failed relationship, maybe you don't want to date anymore or don't want to find out what caused it because you want to avoid disappointment if you have to separate again. You can protect yourself from rejection or disappointment at the breakup by choosing to remain silent. However, you can miss out on the fun and togetherness moments on a date. Plus, you may actually be turning down opportunities for a happy relationship in the future.
Part 2 of 3: Learning How to Overcome Failure
Step 1. Think again positively
Positive rethinking means trying to find the positive side in any situation, including failure. Start by recalling a time when you felt like a failure and then think of another way to explain the situation. “Failure” is a subjective term. You can replace “I failed to get a job” with “I haven't found a job yet” or “I wish I could find a suitable job.” Don't justify your mistakes, but state them without judging and strive for the best.
- Another way to rethink the problem at hand is to find out why your attempt failed and then use that information to try again. The only way to find the right approach is to know the wrong approach.
- Failure can be a learning opportunity until you get it right.
- Think of athletes, scientists, and other successful people who repeatedly try and fail until they reach their goals because of their persistence. Michael Jordan was expelled from the basketball team in high school, but he continued to practice until he finally managed to become a famous basketball player.
- Encourage yourself by being humorous when you're feeling down: "I didn't get the job, but I'm really good at writing cover letters." Being humorous when faced with a problem makes you feel calmer and able to be wise.
- Humor is an important aspect of being persistent. The ability to laugh at yourself can help you overcome adversity.
Step 2. Recognize negative thought patterns
Failure is usually followed by self-blame, sometimes even anger at oneself. Learn how to identify common negative thought patterns so that you can overcome them, for example: all or nothing ("I have to be successful from the start or I'll just give up."), likes to exaggerate problems ("Everything is so messed up. I don't can come back again.”), negative self-label (“I am a loser and a liar.”).
- When this thought pattern appears, question whether it is true. Negative thoughts arise from negative prejudices that like to criticize. Ask yourself the question, “Is this thought true?” Find evidence to counter these negative views.
- Write affirmative sentences that contradict negative views about yourself. If you keep thinking you're a failure, write "I'm a great person" on a small piece of paper and stick it in the mirror. Say these words out loud to yourself to change negative thoughts.
Step 3. Don't fall for failure
Are you constantly thinking about what has happened over and over again? This is called adversity. Instead of helping you change or improve yourself, it only fosters negative feelings.
- Keep a journal to calm obsessive thoughts. Writing down what you're thinking can free you from adversity and identify the fear that's causing it.
- In order not to fail again, ask yourself, "What lessons did I learn from this failure?" Maybe by now you've realized that you have to leave 30 minutes early for the interview to fulfill a job call so as not to be late.
- Do mindfulness meditation so that you are always aware of what is happening right now. Mindfulness meditation can help you overcome the disappointment of past events and focus on the present. After that, ask yourself a question: what do I need to change from “right now”?
Part 3 of 3: Overcoming Failure
Step 1. Resolve the cause of the failure
Why did you fail to reach your goal? Have you tried to prevent it? Think again about the solutions you have worked on and what the consequences were. Were your initial expectations unrealistic? Have a partner or team member have a discussion to determine if your wishes are realistic enough.
- If your desire to get a job promotion is not fulfilled, hold a meeting with your boss to discuss the cause. Give it time until you can get over the disappointment that brings emotional problems. Think of ideas for overcoming failures and ask questions for improvement.
- If you fail to get the job you want, read the profiles of the people who have managed to get this job. Do they have different educational backgrounds? More experienced? Were they accepted to work in different situations?
- If you're disappointed in your relationship, ask yourself if you're putting too much pressure on your partner or being too demanding. Do you know how your lover feels during a relationship? Do you support his work and friendships?
Step 2. Set realistic goals
Once you know what's upsetting you, start setting realistic goals for your future. What do you want to make happen? What actions should you take to make it easier to achieve success? Ask the opinions of those closest to you to determine if your goals are realistic enough.
- For example, if you're just starting to practice running a half marathon, be too ambitious if you want to win a marathon. Set a target time that is shorter than what you achieved the last time you practiced. If your last workout was 1.5 km in 10 minutes, set a 9.7 minute goal for your next workout and work your way up to it.
- If you've ever targeted to publish a novel by the end of this year, set goals that are easier to achieve, such as getting feedback on novel drafts, signing up for seminars on novel editing, paying for part-time editors, or taking writing training.
Step 3. Perform the "mental contrasting" visualization technique
Find a balance between being optimistic and realistic by doing "mental contrasting". First of all, imagine your wish coming true as you wished. Do this visualization of success for a few minutes. After that, distract yourself by imagining all the possible obstacles. Visualizing obstacles in achieving realistic goals will make you more enthusiastic and better able to overcome these obstacles. However, if your goals are unrealistic, this exercise will make you forget those desires and focus on goals that are easier to achieve.
Knowing the obstacles that may occur should not be done with a negative mindset or bad thinking. The “mental contrasting” exercise will help you let go of impossible goals and not hold on to impossible desires
Step 4. Change the method you use
Gather various opinions and choose the best. Use the “mental contrasting” technique to test solutions by imagining them. Ask yourself if you have the resources needed to put your plan into action. What other problems might occur? How will you handle it? What to prepare before you start?
- Don't repeat the same mistakes. The method you use must be different from the way you have failed.
- Prepare a plan B. Even if you have done the best you can, failure can still occur due to unexpected things. Make sure you have the best possible backup plan in place.
Step 5. Try again
After setting a new target, a mature new plan, get ready to reach the goal. Take time to measure your progress once you've started. You are free to change the way. Whether you reach your goal or have to try again, you will have a higher level of persistence.
