Of course it is upsetting to realize that a dear friend is lying. You may also be motivated to end the friendship with him. Before making a rash decision, take some time to understand the cause of the lie, especially if the person has never lied before (or at least, very rarely). If he does lie a lot, take steps to deal with the problem at hand and determine your attitude towards him in the future.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Confronting One Lie
Step 1. Find out the motive
People lie for a variety of reasons, and usually the reasons are not so obvious. Even if his lies hurt you, it's possible that he didn't really mean to upset you. Think about the purpose or reason behind the lie.
- What was the purpose of the lie? Does he lie to get himself out of trouble, to appear good to others, or to avoid hurting other people's feelings?
- For example, your best friend may tell you that she is not dating, but you know that she is secretly in a relationship. Maybe he's lying because he's not ready to introduce his partner to you, or isn't sure about the seriousness of the relationship.
Step 2. Reflect on your own actions
He may lie because he is under great pressure or influence from you or someone else. To be sure, think again about the actions or behavior you displayed before the lie was exposed.
- Did you do or say anything that prompted him to lie?
- For example, he may not talk about seeing your girlfriend with someone else because you once said that "everyone wants to destroy you and your partner." Maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want to be accused of ruining your relationship.
Step 3. Ask for input from others
Before making a decision, seek the opinion of others. Talk to a parent, sibling, or other friend about what happened. By telling what happened, you can get a different point of view.
You can say, “Hey, Rita! I'm afraid Jeni is lying about something. What do you think he's been doing lately?"
Step 4. Speak frankly
The best way to deal with your best friend's lies is to confront them head-on. Stay calm, explain that you know the lie, and ask him to explain why. Start your speech with the word "I" so he doesn't get defensive.
- You could say, “I know you're lying that you already have an event this weekend. I heard you called Sarah instead. May I know why you lied?”
- If the two of you are with other friends, ask him to talk alone so you can deal with it privately.
Step 5. Try pretending and ask for more information
Don't let him know that you already know the lie. Continue the chat by asking for more information. Ask explanatory questions that can reveal reality.
- Let's say your best friend lies and says, "Yeah, I just spend my weekends studying." Don't just say, "You're lying!"
- Take a more “subtle” approach, such as “Hmm… Weird. Jojo said he saw you at the mall last Saturday. Ah, maybe he saw it wrong.”
Step 6. Laugh at the lies
Act as if the lie is funny. Avoid his lies with jokes so that he will admit the truth.
- You can say, “Well! Your nose is getting longer now!”
- By showing that you know the lie without a direct confrontation, you can ease the tension and encourage him to tell the truth.
Step 7. Ignore the lies
Although difficult, sometimes lies are not worth thinking about. If the lie feels trivial and doesn't hurt anyone, ignore it. There's no point in keeping negative energy between the two of you over a small lie for the sake of kindness.
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with Frequent Lies
Step 1. Show your complaint
Of course it hurts when your best friend often lies for no apparent reason. Instead of throwing a tantrum or scolding him, show concern and tell him that you're worried about him. Let him know that you don't want to face his dishonesty, and ask him if he feels comfortable being honest with you himself.
You could say, "Budi, I've noticed your lies are getting worse, and I'm worried. Would you like to discuss this with me?" Let him know that you know his lie. If you don't talk about it directly, the lie will only get worse
Step 2. Don't react
If he is lying compulsively, the only way to deal with his lies is to distract him. Don't ask questions. Don't give any feedback. Just stare at him with a straight expression.
Perhaps by doing so, he would understand the situation at hand. He will realize that you will not be caught in his lies and stop lying
Step 3. Limit what you share
If you feel that he is often hiding something, you may need to reevaluate the frequency or amount of information you share. Take a break and don't share personal information about yourself if he's lying about himself.
Let him know that you'd be more than happy to open up more if he's ready to open up honestly
Step 4. Talk to someone you trust
Sometimes, people who lie a lot can't control themselves. Pathological liars may need expert help to deal with the problem on their own. If your best friend often seems to be lying without realizing it, it's a good idea to share your concerns with someone who can help.
- Talk to your parents, friends' parents, teachers, or other trusted adults. Find out if they are also aware of the problem with lying your best friend is pointing out.
- Work with him to determine the best course of action to deal with his pattern of lying. He may need to see a professional mental health counselor to understand the root cause of the problem.
- If you see the destructive impact of lying, use that impact as an example to convince him that he needs help. For example, you could say, “You lost two of your jobs in the past month because of your lies. I'm worried about your condition. I'll feel more at ease if you want to see a counselor."
Method 3 of 3: Evaluating the Future of Friendship
Step 1. Apologize
Part of friendship is showing a desire to forgive. Try to forgive him if you know that he actually has good intentions.
You can say, "I will forgive you this time, but in the future please tell the truth."
Step 2. Set strong boundaries
Boundaries are needed to build strong and healthy friendships. If he knows that you value honesty, he will be honest with you.
Emphasize your boundaries by saying, “I appreciate it when my friends are honest and forthright. I don't want to be with people who often lie and manipulate other people. I'm sure you can understand it."
Step 3. Keep your distance if the lie has a negative impact
Even if someone lies occasionally, remember that friendships can be destroyed if your best friend lies too much. If his lies often hurt or get you into trouble, you may want to reconsider the friendship you had with him.
