Telling your partner that you have genital herpes is a difficult conversation to have. However, these sexually transmitted infections (STIs) need to be discussed so you can practice safe sex and maintain trust in your relationship. Genital herpes is a disease caused by herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) or herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1), the virus that causes cold sores. But, with the right measures, you can control your herpes and stay close to your partner.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Preparing Discussion Materials
Step 1. Learn as much as you can about genital herpes
It is very important to know various information about genital herpes. This can help you prepare if your partner asks about herpes.
- Genital herpes is a common infection that can be transmitted through sexual contact or direct contact with infected blisters or sores. It can also be caused by HSV-1, the virus that causes cold sores on your lips and face through oral or genital contact.
- The virus can be transmitted even if the person you have sex with has no symptoms of herpes and usually goes undetected and diagnosed. In fact, about 80% of the American population is already infected with HSV-1 and sometimes catches it as a child when kissed by parents, friends, and relatives.
- Genital herpes is treatable and is not life threatening. However, people who often have sex have a higher risk of getting this disease regardless of gender, ethnicity, or social class.
- HSV-2 is usually transmitted through vaginal or anal sex. HSV-1 is usually transmitted through oral sex (mouth to genital contact).
Step 2. Find out which treatment options are right for you
This is important information so that you and your partner can calm down. Most people with herpes are treated with antiviral drugs. This therapy can not cure, but can reduce the pain and transmission of herpes.
- Initial treatment: If you had symptoms such as sores and bumps when you were first diagnosed with herpes, your doctor will give you a short course of antiviral therapy (7 to 10 days) to relieve your symptoms and prevent the disease from getting worse.
- Timed medication: Your doctor will give you antiviral medication just in case your skin blisters again. You can take the pill for two to five days if sores or other symptoms appear. Wounds can heal and go away on their own, but taking the drug can speed up the healing process.
- Regular treatment: If your body often has bubbles that burst (this period is called an outbreak), you can ask your doctor about antiviral drugs that you can take every day. Anyone experiencing outbreaks more than six times a year should take this pressure therapy. This therapy can reduce outbreaks by 70% to 80%. Most people who take daily antiviral drugs do not have an outbreak.
Step 3. Understand how herpes is transmitted
Although genital herpes is a sexually transmitted disease, you won't get it if you sleep with someone with this disease. Most people who have herpes will only transmit a small portion of the disease.
In fact, many partners are sexually active, but one partner does not contract herpes from the other partner. Recognizing and telling your partner about this disease can be the right step to prevent transmitting the virus to others
Part 2 of 2: Telling Your Partner
Step 1. Choose a quiet and private place to discuss
Invite your partner to have dinner at your place or take a walk in the park. You will have an intimate and personal conversation with your partner. Therefore, choose an environment that makes you both comfortable and calm to have a serious conversation.
Step 2. Talk to your partner before you have sex
Avoid telling your partner right when you are in bed or having sex. If you haven't been dating your partner for a long time and it's time for both of you to feel the urge to have sex, you need to tell your partner about the disease first. This is not only a way to have safe sex, but also keeps your relationship open and honest.
- Even if you are in a casual relationship, your partner deserves to know the facts before the two of you have sex. If you don't feel comfortable telling your partner about your illness, you're still not ready to have sex with him.
- If you have already had sex with your partner, avoid having sex again until you tell the truth. Talking about this is indeed a scary thing. The disgusting stigma of herpes often frightens both those who have it, and those who are told. However, herpes can be used as a tool to test your relationship. If your partner doesn't want to work with you and figure out how to treat your herpes, he may not be the right person for you.
Step 3. Start with a pleasant conversation
Open up the conversation in a kind way, such as:
- “I feel very comfortable with you and I would love it if we became closer. I have something to tell you. Can we talk now?”
- “When two people become as close as the two of us, I think they should be honest with each other. Therefore, I would like to inform you of the condition I am currently in.”
- "I think I can trust you and I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you about something.”
Step 4. Avoid using negative words and the word “disease”
Keep the conversation simple and positive.
- For example: “Two years ago, I discovered that I had herpes. Fortunately, it is treatable and treatable. Can we talk about what this means to both of us?”
- Use “sexually transmitted infections” or STIs instead of “sexually transmitted diseases” or STDs. Even though they mean the same thing, the word "disease" makes it more likely that you have recurring symptoms, while "infection" seems more treatable.
Step 5. Stay calm and explain the facts
Remember, your partner will ask you to lead the conversation more. Don't appear embarrassed or traumatized by your own diagnosis, instead stay calm and explain the facts about herpes.
Make sure your partner understands that herpes is a common virus that is present in most adults in America. For some people who have genital herpes, sometimes there are no symptoms and if they do appear, it is often considered a symptom of another disease. Nearly 80-90% of people who have herpes don't know they have it. You are just one of the few people who are aware of having herpes on their own
Step 6. If applicable, describe the treatment you are currently undergoing and how to practice safe sex
Explain to your partner about the medications you are taking to treat the symptoms and recurrence of herpes.
- Discuss ways to have safe sex that you and your partner can do without contracting herpes. Always use a condom when having sex. The risk of contracting herpes will be reduced by 50% if you use a condom. Don't have sex when you have cold sores to prevent the spread of the virus.
- Explain to your partner about the symptoms of genital herpes, such as sores and irritation that can appear continuously from time to time. This is because when you catch the herpes virus, it stays in your body forever.
- Certain conditions or situations can trigger a recurrence of herpes. Let your partner know situations that can trigger you, such as stress at work or home, fatigue, insomnia, and menstruation (if you are a woman).
Step 7. Answer any questions your partner has about herpes
Be open to any questions asked. If asked, provide details about your treatment and ways to have safe sex.
You can also ask your partner to find out about herpes. It can help them understand the disease better if they search the internet for information on their own
Step 8. Give your partner time to understand the information
Whatever reaction your partner gives, be it negative or positive, try to be flexible and stay open. Recall a time when you needed time to receive the results of your diagnosis. Give your partner some space to understand the conversation at hand.
- Keep in mind that some couples react negatively to whatever you say or how you say it. Their reactions are not caused by your actions. If your partner can't accept your illness, try to respect their reaction and take it as a sign that he or she is not the right partner for you.
- Most partners will react well and appreciate your honesty. Many couples stay together and have sex despite the herpes diagnosis.
Step 9. Take precautions before you have sex with your partner
If you both agree to certain precautions, the risk of transmitting herpes to your partner will be very low. Having genital herpes doesn't mean you can't have sex.
- Always use a condom when you have sex. Most couples choose to avoid genital skin contact during the active period of herpes because at this time the risk of transmitting the virus becomes higher.
- If you have infected sores on your buttocks, thighs, or mouth, your partner can get it as with your genital area. You and your partner should avoid direct contact with infected parts of your body when having sex.
- Avoid oral sex if you or your partner have cold sores on your body.
- You won't get genital herpes if you use a glass, towel or bath water, or from the same toilet seat. Even when herpes has an outbreak, you should only avoid skin contact with the parts of your partner's body that have sores. You can still hug, sleep next to each other, and kiss your partner.
