Being taken advantage of by others, especially by those we care about, is an unpleasant experience. You think you've found the right guy, and you happily give him the title of girlfriend. However, you feel something fishy. Whether it's something that's constantly bothering you, a behavior that makes you frown, or a warning from a friend, you need to be vigilant. Is your boyfriend taking advantage of you? If you feel like you're being used, whether it's for sex, money, popularity, or whatever, it's very important to dig in and uncover the truth so you can decide if he's still worth it to continue being your girlfriend.
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Part 1 of 3: Analyzing Suspicion
Step 1. Think about when he wants to spend time with you
Does he just want to go out at night? Maybe by chance he just gets to make time for you when you get an invite to a cool party. Start paying close attention to when he wants to see you because this information can reveal exactly what his intentions are.
Step 2. Consider where he wants to spend time with you
If he just wants to spend time in the bedroom, you can take this as a red flag. If he never introduces you to his friends, and prefers to spend time at home, he may not be interested in making your relationship public or showing that you are "officially" a part of his life.
Step 3. Consider where he wants to spend his time with you
If he just wants to spend time in the bedroom, this could be considered a red flag. If he never introduces you to his friends, and prefers to spend time at home, he may not be interested in going public with your relationship and showing that you are "officially" a part of his life.
- Notice whether this behavior occurs frequently, or are you actually still upset about something he only did once, six months ago? While you need to be vigilant and firm in your stand, there are times when you also have to be willing to forgive and forget if he expresses his regrets.
- Forgetting to call, even though he had promised to do so was annoying. It's also unacceptable to piss you off on your birthday because he says he already has other commitments. Go through the list and be honest about how bad the behavior is, and how disappointed you are.
Step 4. Talk to a trusted friend or family member
Sometimes people around you can see what you can't. Their rumors, warnings, and advice will come in handy when you're feeling confused. However, it must be remembered that the only parties involved in this relationship are you and your boyfriend.
Don't reveal all the bad things in your relationship to everyone. This action can cause problems. It's a good idea to talk to someone you can trust and have good intentions to help
Step 5. Decide what to do
After reviewing your situation and consulting with a trusted person, and deciding that your suspicions are unfounded, move on. Maybe you have trust issues to work on so you can feel secure in your current relationship. If you have good reason to suspect her, find a way to talk about the situation face-to-face with your boyfriend.
Part 2 of 3: Observing and Experimenting
Step 1. Stop doing what he wants
In other words, think of anything that raises the suspicion that he is using you, and try to eliminate it. Then, observe how he reacts. In a healthy relationship, there are certain things that should make a partner feel happy and satisfied. If just one change can throw a relationship apart, this may be the problem.
Step 2. Tell your boyfriend that you want to take a break from all kinds of intimacy if you feel that he is using you as a sex object or for physical pleasure
If he only wants to spend time in the bedroom at night, tell him that you prefer to have fun outside during the day. When he starts to show a desire for physical intimacy, remind him that you're not in the mood for it right now. Ask him to respect your boundaries.
- If you're confused and don't know what to say, just say, “I want to focus on the emotional connection between us. So it's best if we put off the physical stuff for now." You can tell if he's taking advantage of you by his reaction. If he cares about your relationship and wants to strengthen it even without sex, he's not going anywhere. If he doesn't want to continue the relationship if he doesn't get physical intimacy, just break up with him.
- Remember, your body is yours. The most important thing is that when you say “No”, your boyfriend will respect it.
Step 3. Protect your money if that's what your boyfriend is after
Tell him that you don't want to spend too much money, and give other reasons if needed. It's understandable that your boyfriend doesn't have the money to pamper you, but it's unacceptable if he demands that you pamper him. If the relationship cools down after your money is no longer flowing, that's a bad sign.
- Tell your boyfriend, “I have to start saving now. So, I have to reduce expenses.” Then, if he asks for some money or asks you to pay for something, you can remind him. Again, his reaction will answer your suspicions.
- The same approach can be taken if you suspect your boyfriend is using you for popularity, gifts and so on. It may be difficult at first, but a quality boyfriend will stick with it if he feels the relationship is worth fighting for.
Step 4. Pay attention to the things he does for you
When you are romantically involved, you may not notice that your boyfriend is not doing anything for you. When you're infatuated with someone, it's easy to forgive their behavior. However, start paying attention to the things he does, or doesn't do, for you. That doesn't mean he has to give her a bouquet of roses and a fancy dinner, but at least she has to show that she cares.
Step 5. Recognize the difference between a sweet compliment and a flattery
If he says he likes your sense of humor and is willing to listen to your problems, he probably really cares. If he's overly flattering your beauty right before he asks for help, watch out.
Watch carefully if he does something without expecting anything in return. If he does something sweet just to please you, that's a good sign
Step 6. Take some time to be alone
You don't have to make a big announcement to your boyfriend that you need a "break," but find a way to spend some time alone. It's easy to accept bad behavior or ignore warning signs when you're with your boyfriend. Whether you're blinded by love or terrified at the thought of refusing his request, you won't be able to think straight when he's around you.
- When you're away from him, think about the relationship you're in. Do you and your boyfriend give and take? A healthy relationship benefits both parties involved.
- By staying away from him, you can also see what he's doing alone, without the opportunity to take advantage of anything from you.
Part 3 of 3: Talking to Girlfriend
Step 1. Plan a time to talk, and approach the problem calmly
It's important to let your boyfriend know that you want to discuss something important, otherwise he may become defensive and angry if he feels suddenly cornered. Also, telling him he will have time to reflect on your relationship and prepare for a sympathetic conversation. By planning a time to talk, you also have the opportunity to calm down, think, and figure out how to start the conversation.
It's important to start the conversation calmly and rationally. Even if you feel hurt or angry, you won't get productive results by crying and cursing during the conversation
Step 2. Express your concern
Be honest, but don't attack him. Don't underestimate how you feel, or hide it. The emotions you feel are real, and don't be shy about expressing yourself just because you feel uncomfortable. By expressing your feelings, you give him the opportunity to explain, comfort you, make a confession, or correct his behavior.
Start your sentences with "I," not "you," so he doesn't think you're attacking him. Saying something like, “I'm sad that we only spend the night” will sound better to him than, “You only come at night and I don't like that.”
Step 3. Give your boyfriend a chance to talk
Even if you firmly believe that your fears are justified and that he has taken advantage of you, give him a chance to explain himself so that things can be worked out properly. Don't interrupt the conversation as this will only make the situation more tense. If you don't agree with something he's saying, wait until he's finished speaking to respond. By giving him a chance to talk, you can analyze his reaction once you've raised all your concerns. Is he apologetic and apologetic or is he defensive and rude?
Remember, your feelings are real. Even if your boyfriend is sure he hasn't done anything wrong, don't let him make you feel guilty for having those feelings
Step 4. Decide what to do next, either as a couple or alone
After sharing what's on your mind and your boyfriend listening to how you feel, decide what the next step is. If he's not willing to explain and apologize so you feel comfortable and optimistic about the future of your relationship, it may be time to end it.
If you are satisfied with the reasons your boyfriend gave you and plan to continue with him, make sure you both make plans together. If your feelings are hurt and you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving, find ways to work things out. Otherwise, you will fall back into the same situation
Step 5. Learn from this situation, and take advantage of it
Recognizing the things that make you uncomfortable, sticking to your feet, dealing with the situation and moving on with life is invaluable information. You know what is and isn't acceptable in the situation, you know how to handle conflict, and you hone your conflict resolution skills. Being taken advantage of is a painful experience, but it does give you an opportunity to demand respect and better treatment in the future.
