For those of you who are married and become parents, chances are, your biggest goal is to build strong and healthy relationships with your beloved children and grandchildren. That is why, there is a tremendous risk of heartbreak if the child you have raised with all your heart turns out to be a violent and violent person. Dealing with teenagers who often behave violently is indeed difficult and even has the potential to interfere with your well-being. Therefore, try to set firm boundaries for your child, strengthen your support system, and do everything you can to maintain your well-being and health. Believe me, aging is a phase that is already quite difficult, so don't let your child's behavior just add to your burden.
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Method 1 of 3: Setting Boundaries
Step 1. Put your security first
It's important to set boundaries with abusive teens, but don't do it without considering your safety! In other words, if you start to feel that you are in danger or are threatened, immediately leave the situation that is considered dangerous before trying to find a solution.
- Get rid of the child if your safety begins to be compromised. If you wish, you can also leave your house and take temporary refuge to a neighbor's house.
- If your child has ever harmed or threatened you, immediately contact the nearest police or other government service that is able to provide legal protection regarding the issue. If you need emergency medical services, immediately contact the nearest Emergency Unit (ER).
Step 2. Reject unacceptable behavior
Learn to take control whenever your child's behavior gets out of control. By doing so, your child will know that the behavior, whatever it may be, will never be tolerated.
If he starts yelling or insulting you, immediately say "Please don't shout" or "I don't want to tolerate insults."
Step 3. State the boundaries you have made in a clear and concise manner
Explain the consequences that will befall the child if the negative behavior reappears. Do this firmly, clearly, and straightforwardly so that there is no empty space for the child to question the consequences he will receive when these boundaries are violated.
- For example, you could say, "If you keep insulting me, I won't continue this conversation" or "If you come home drunk again, I will call the police!"
- If necessary, do not open the door for the child and change the lock on the house if the child also has a spare key.
Step 4. Give strict sanctions in case of violation of boundaries
Show your child that your boundaries are not playing games and by doing so, all negative behavior you can no longer tolerate in the future. So that your child can see how serious you are, don't hesitate to give consequences whenever he starts breaking the boundaries that have been agreed upon.
- For example, if your child is prohibited from yelling or insulting you in a conversation, feel free to leave the conversation whenever your child starts doing it again. If you promise to call the police when your child returns home drunk, keep that promise when your child breaks the line.
- Make sure you only state limits and consequences that can be adhered to. This way, you can consistently penalize your child every time your child violates their boundaries.
Method 2 of 3: Seeking Help
Step 1. Identify acts of violence against the elderly
In fact, violence by children is quite often experienced by adults who can function fully and do not experience any deficiencies, although violent behavior is more common in adults who have disabilities or are dependent on their children. Whatever the circumstances, understand that all forms of violence are negative behaviors. In fact, violence against the elderly can be categorized as a crime! Read the following explanation to recognize the symptoms:
- Physical violence that occurs when a child hits, pinches, or even binds his parents so that the person concerned experiences pain.
- Psychological or emotional abuse, such as when a child embarrass or blames his or her parents, and leaves the parents in a state of mental turmoil afterward.
- Financial violence that occurs when children exploit their parents' money and/or property.
- Neglect is indicated by the reluctance of children to care for and prosper their elderly parents.
- Sexual violence involving sexual activity without consent or consent.
Step 2. Rely on people you can trust
If you experience violence from an adult child, don't hesitate to share it with trusted people, such as a friend, nurse, or personal doctor.
- If the person is not doing anything to get you out of the situation, keep looking for someone else who will listen and help you.
- Even if the abuse isn't specifically parental abuse, they can still provide support and help you find ways to stop the abuse.
Step 3. Call emergency assistance services
If your child begins to physically, verbally, financially, or even sexually abuse you, take immediate steps to protect yourself, such as contacting other loved ones or even the emergency help services available in your area. They can help find assistance and/or contact the appropriate authorities to pick you up. Unfortunately, so far, the Indonesian government has not provided specific assistance services to deal with the problem of domestic violence so most likely, you can only rely on help from people closest to you or Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs). However, if you are an Indonesian residing abroad, try contacting the following emergency services:
- If you currently reside in the United States, try calling the Eldercare Locator support service at 1-800-677-1116.
- If you currently reside in the UK, try calling Action on Elder Abuse (AEA) support services on 080 8808 8141.
Method 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. End the relationship if the behavior doesn't improve
If he continues to mistreat you, then distance yourself from him immediately! However, understand that the most appropriate way to maintain a distance really depends on the condition of the relationship between the two of you.
- If he still lives at your house, try asking him to find another place to live.
- If the two of you live separately, try asking him to stop visiting, unless he's willing to treat you properly.
- If your life depends heavily on it, try making other plans, such as living with a different relative or even moving to a residential facility provided by the government.
Step 2. Consult a counselor
Being a victim of violence or unpleasant behavior from those closest to you can ruin your overall health and existence! Therefore, do not hesitate to ask for help and assistance from an expert counselor. In addition to being able to accommodate these two needs, expert counselors have also been equipped with various practical knowledge to deal with violence in relationships.
Ask your doctor for recommendations from a trusted counselor in your area
Step 3. Spend time with supportive people
Dealing with a child who likes to behave rudely can really take up all your energy and energy. As a result, the desire to isolate yourself from those around you will often appear afterward, but instead you must try to fight it! In other words, don't close yourself off from your closest friends and relatives who want to accompany you during these times. Believe me, opening yourself up to support from the people around you can help you respond more positively to your child's behavior, as well as being a reminder that there are still positive relationships in your life.
Take a few days a week to be active with the people closest to you. For example, you could invite friends over to your house for dinner or get together with members of the church community on Sundays
Step 4. Create a self-care routine to manage the stress that arises
Prosper your mental and physical health by doing various relaxing and fun activities. If you wish, you can also practice relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and self-awareness meditation. Also, spend more time pursuing hobbies and doing other activities that you used to really enjoy.
