There's a new, cool guy at work and you're interested in asking him out, but before you do you want to know if he's single, or if you suspect that the woman you're dating isn't really as single as he claims. Whether you want to prevent false accusations or want to make sure that your spouse is not married, there are actually many ways to tell if someone is divorced if you pay attention and dig up a little bit of information here and there.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Looking for Signs
Step 1. Notice the presence of the wedding ring
This is the simplest indication of a person's marital status. Wedding rings are usually worn on the ring finger of the right hand, or the finger next to the little finger. It is possible that someone is divorced but still wears the ring because he or she is not ready to let it go. If so, he's not a good candidate for a new relationship.
- If there is no ring, look for any indentations or pale lines on the ring finger. This indicates that the ring has been temporarily removed, perhaps to give you the impression that he is single.
- If the person works in food service or operates machinery that can get caught in jewelry, he or she may have to remove the ring for work purposes.
- Not everyone chooses to wear a wedding ring, so there's no guarantee that she's still single even if she doesn't wear a ring.
Step 2. Browse social media
Most people have a certain online presence, whether through networking sites like Facebook or Twitter, or photo-sharing apps like Instagram and Flickr. A quick search can yield a lot of information – the person's marital status may be prominently displayed on their profile, or they may post multiple photos of the couple, or even wedding photos.
If you can't find the person's online presence on the internet, it could be because they don't want to be caught cheating – social media can make it very difficult for a person to hide what he is doing and who he is dating
Step 3. Listen to what he says (and what he doesn't say)
Sometimes a simple conversation about weekend plans can answer your questions. If he says, “My wife and I went camping,” you know he's not a single man.
- If you spend a lot of time together or date and he has never mentioned your ex or previous relationship, it may be because he is still in a relationship with someone.
- If you take her out to meet her friends or visit her home and she gives long, long-winded explanations just to say it's not a good idea, she's probably lying. Detailed reasons are often a signal that the man is actually lying.
Step 4. Pay attention to where and when you spend time together
Did that woman always want to go to a restaurant out of town? Does he insist the two of you only spend time at your place of residence? Does he always have no time every weekend? Does he only spend a few hours with you after work? He may be hiding your relationship and trying not to get caught by someone who might know his husband.
Step 5. Watch the car
If the guy drives a minivan or sedan with a baby seat in the back seat, it's pretty safe to assume he has a family.
Having kids doesn't necessarily mean he's still married, but if he tells you he's divorced and has grown-up or teenage children, the family van doesn't add up to the story
Step 6. Watch how the woman behaves when talking on the phone
Someone you're currently dating may signal their status, for example, they answer the phone with a "Hi, honey" or end the conversation with "I love you, see you at home." But if you suspect that your boyfriend isn't divorced and is having an affair with you, he may keep who he's talking to, or be very specific when you can call him.
- If he's set so many rules about how you can reach him, for example, only between 5pm and 8pm, only dial his cell phone number, or he doesn't answer when you call him, but he calls back a few minutes later, well, You really have reason to be suspicious.
- If he only calls you from places outside the home, such as when he is finishing up outside or shopping, he may be trying to hide your relationship from his husband.
Step 7. Trust your instincts, but don't jump to conclusions
Take some time to think about why you feel you need this information. If the reason is that you're interested in dating the guy, you can make it easier and just ask him about his status. If you suspect your loved one is lying about his divorce, there may be some underlying trust issues in your relationship, even if he's actually telling the truth.
- Just because someone doesn't have a profile on Facebook or isn't raving about their past relationships, you shouldn't immediately assume it's because they're being dishonest.
- If he exhibits this kind of behavior a lot, or you have a strong instinct that something is wrong, consider investigating further.
Part 2 of 2: Digging Deeper
Step 1. Ask the person if he or she is single
The worst thing that could possibly happen is that you embarrass yourself a bit, but being candid is usually the best course of action. Just ask him if he's dating anyone else. If you know she's married but her husband is never mentioned, say something like, "You haven't told me about your husband in a long time, is everything all right?"
- If you don't want to be too direct, you can ask indirectly by saying something like, "Do you and your husband live in this city?"
- Pay attention to his body language when he answers. If he looks away or looks down, touches his nose or covers his mouth, he may be hiding something.
- If he says something like “That's none of your business,” then apologize politely and don't bring it up again (unless of course you two are already dating, then his marital status is up to you!).
Step 2. Correct the information from here and there
Try to find out if the two of you have mutual friends who might know the person's marital status. If you work in the same place, other coworkers may already know the woman's background.
- Realize that your act of digging for information about him may reach his ears.
- If the woman never introduces you to her friends or isn't honest about her identity, she may be trying to prevent you from asking around and getting information that she's not really divorced.
Step 3. Do a divorce certificate tracking
You will need some information to do this – at least the full names (including the wife's maiden name) of both parties and the city and province where the divorce suit was filed. Contact your local KUA to see if you can get information on this. It could be that this kind of information is private and you can't get it unless your name is directly related or you can prove that you are a close relative of one of the parties (such as a child or parent).
- Even if you can't get full details about the divorce, you may be allowed to look at a copy of the divorce certificate informally.
- You can also try to find information from online databases managed by the Directorate General of Guidance at the Ministry of Religion of the Republic of Indonesia such as SIMKAH.
- Sometimes a person admits that he is divorced even though he has not completed the legal process. This information must be disclosed publicly because he is still considered bound by a legal marriage. Not yet officially divorced means the status is "still married".
Step 4. Check the phone message or email
Keep in mind that reading someone's private messages can be considered a serious breach of trust and can destroy a relationship if your loved one finds out. Do this only as a last resort – consider having an open conversation with him first. If you still suspect the guy is lying, you may want to check his phone messages, email, or Facebook.
