As if life weren't difficult enough, suddenly your parents come with a confession that can shatter your sanity: they're feeling suicidal. What can you do to help them? So where can you find support for yourself? If this kind of situation occurs, the most important thing you need to do is take their confession or threat seriously. To know the next steps, read on this article.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Helping Suicidal Parents
Step 1. Ask them if they really think about hurting them
Asking the question directly to them is not easy, but you have to do it. The best thing you can do is let them know that you can hear their pain. Show that you hear and take their pain seriously; this can be a good first step towards their recovery.
Slowly, say something like, “I really suffer when I see Dad's pain. Did you really mean it when you confessed that you wanted to kill yourself?” If he answered “Dad was feeling really frustrated at the time. But now Dad is fine, really.", a sign you can breathe a sigh of relief. This statement does not guarantee that his frustration has gone, but at least it shows that his confession at that time was not serious. Continue to observe his condition for the next few weeks. You may also occasionally ask if suicidal thoughts come back to him. If he replies "I'm so tired of everything" or "Life is tiring, I'd rather just die", it's a sign that you need to be more vigilant; especially since such statements have a higher degree of seriousness
Step 2. Find out if they have the plans and means to execute the confession
You may feel that you don't have to or don't dare to ask directly. But remember, the lives of your parents are at stake here. If your mom or dad feels "tired of everything," try asking, "If you really wanted to kill yourself, how would you do it?". After hearing the answer, you can re-analyze the seriousness of their words.
- If your dad says "Maybe I'll use a gun," immediately find out where the gun is. If your dad keeps his gun in a safe or special locker, make sure you know where the lock is. If the gun is stored in a drawer that you can easily open, take it immediately and hide it in a safe place. Be careful, the threat is very serious, especially since your father already has a plan and means (a gun) to carry out his actions. Keep the gun away from your home, call the police, or get him checked out at the nearest hospital. Also make sure your father gets a referral for proper care afterward.
- On the other hand, if your dad says, “Oh, I don't know yet. Maybe a pill? Or something else that won't hurt me?”, chances are the threat isn't that serious (but you have to take the words seriously!). Ask what kind of pill your dad meant. If he responds, “Tylenol – granules of Tylenol. After all we have a big bottle of Tylenol in the bathroom cupboard”, a sign that the seriousness level has increased; especially since he knew what kind of pill was meant and the amount. If he responds, "I haven't thought that far", it means that the threat is lower (he's not sure how or why to kill himself). No matter how serious it is, you still need to ask him to see a mental health professional to get his condition checked and get the right treatment. Contact a doctor, psychologist, or counselor who has often worked with your father.
Step 3. Understand that you are not a mental health professional
There are some situations that your parents' relatives and/or friends cannot manage, regardless of how much you love them (or how much you intend to help them). If your parents seem very serious, repeat threats over and over, or have even attempted suicide, understand that the situation is beyond your control. The wisest thing you can do is to contact the police or emergency services as soon as possible.
Step 4. Get help as soon as possible
If you believe that your parent's threats are serious, immediately contact the police or other emergency services. They can help take your parents to the hospital for further treatment. You can also ask for help and support from close relatives, friends of your parents, or your teachers. Trust me, there must be someone who can help your parents get expert treatment. Don't wait too long; seek help immediately before the situation gets worse.
Part 2 of 3: Keeping Hope
Step 1. Accept the fact that you are not responsible for their situation
The suicidal ideation does not arise because of you; if they really want to kill themselves, don't ever think that the decision has anything to do with your attitude/behavior. People who are contemplating suicide often have mental problems – such as depression – that have not been treated properly. If your parents admit to being suicidal, never blame yourself or anyone else.
Step 2. Show that you still see them as a strong person
This you need to do to help their recovery process. Show that you still need to ask their permission before making a decision; Also show that you still need their approval – simple things that a child often expects from their parents.
Step 3. If you are a religious person, ask if you can pray for them
Take their hand and pray that they may find the peace and comfort they have not had. Also let them know that you hope to help them find it. Many studies have shown that spirituality is one of the potential resources for alleviating suicidal ideation in a person's mind. In addition to making them feel comfortable, praying together will also remind them of the reason they are alive until now.
- Do not recite prayers that are too long and wordy; most importantly, (A) you believe that miracles will happen to people in need and (B) they know how much you love them so you want to do this.
- Praying can have a calming effect and make you more confident. Also, your parents will see that faith seems to be able to strengthen you in those situations (something they can't).
- Be proud that you are doing your best to get them the help they need.
Step 4. Talk to a friend or counselor
In times like these, social support is invaluable. You may feel so hopeless that you need encouragement and support from others. Seek help if you feel you need it. There is no need to pretend to be brave, after all, the issue of suicide is terrible for everyone.
Step 5. Be careful
You may – and should – share the situation with others. But make sure you only tell people you can trust; Also make sure you don't tell too many people. Surely you don't want to embarrass your parents, do you? In addition, if many people find out, your parents will inevitably feel obliged to show a strong image in front of their friends, relatives, and you as their child. There is no need to add to the stress of their lives.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Emotion Manipulation
Step 1. Learn to recognize emotional manipulation
In some cases, your parents threaten to kill yourself just to get you to go along with them. Although such threats should still be taken seriously, make sure you have taken precautions to protect your emotional state. You can identify emotional manipulation in the form of suicide threats by using the sentence structure "if …, then …" (though sometimes it's not that simple). Your parents may make causal statements, such as:
- "If you leave Mom alone, I'll kill myself."
- "If I can't live with you, I'd rather just die."
- "If you really loved Dad and wanted Dad alive, then you wouldn't have treated Dad like this."
Step 2. State your complaint, but keep boundaries
Tell them that you are sad to see their pain. Also convey that you want to help them, but you cannot be controlled or manipulated with threats. Convey these boundaries in an implicit and non-assumptive way. After that, follow up on what you said and ask for expert assistance.
For example, you might say, “I love you so much and don't want to see you hurt, but you can't live with me right now. I'll do whatever I can, and I'll make sure Mom will get the help I need.” Such statements show you care and set limits on what you will – and won't – do
Step 3. Don't give in to demands
Whatever their threats, don't try to prove yourself or give in to their manipulation. Doing so will only encourage your parents to repeat the same cycle whenever you disobey them.
- Stick to the boundaries you have set. Remember, giving up will not solve the main problem that made them want to kill themselves.
- Let them know that you care about their safety and security. That's why you should contact the police, emergency services, or mental health professional immediately whenever they admit to being suicidal. Setting those boundaries will free you from any possible manipulative actions.
Step 4. Don't fight your parents
As much as possible, avoid arguing with them. There is no need to tell them that you are aware of their manipulative actions; this will only make the situation worse and prevent you from getting the best solution. Your resistance will actually lead to them actually committing suicide just to show that their threat is serious.
Once you've identified the emotional manipulation behind their threats, discuss the situation with a psychologist or counselor. Under expert assistance, it will be easier for you to express your feelings; especially since you're free to talk in a safe environment without hearing any suicide threats from your parents afterward
Step 5. Put the responsibility in your parents' hands
Regardless of how much you love and care for them, and how often you pray for them, there's nothing you can do to keep them alive – unless they want to too. The decision to live or die lies solely in their hands, not yours.
State your complaint clearly, but keep moving beyond the boundaries you've set: “I felt sad when I heard that Dad was suicidal. But I can't do anything because the decision is still in Father's hands. I can't stop you from hurting yourself, but I will try my best to get you the help you need."
Tips
- Each area has its emergency service number. Make sure you know the emergency service numbers available in your city. Search internet pages, yellow books, or ask relevant parties (such as hospitals, police, or related social institutions).
- Act with prudence; Telling the situation to those closest to you can sometimes help. But make sure your parents are comfortable with the decision.
