Trust is very important to have a happy marriage. Lies can damage relationships between partners and make life together difficult. There are a variety of behaviors to watch to see if your partner is lying to you about minor or major issues.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Observing Physical Behavior
Step 1. Try to see if your partner blinks excessively or not
Usually this happens when you start to talk to him about a topic he feels uncomfortable with. If you talk to your partner about something he didn't tell you honestly, he may start to panic. Sometimes he starts to reduce the frequency of his blinks when he enters into a lie and then increases this frequency afterward.
- Blinking frequently can be a reflex.
- For example, you might ask your partner, "Have you sent my mother a plane ticket for the upcoming vacation?" Maybe he lied about his harmonious relationship with your mother and never actually sent the ticket. And it could be that his eyes blink more often when you discuss this matter.
Step 2. Make eye contact
If your partner avoids or tries hard to make eye contact, he or she may be lying when you talk about something. A liar may try to avoid eye contact or try to hold it in for long enough to cover up his lie. Use this behavior regarding eye contact as well as other gestures as a measure of whether or not your partner is lying.
Maybe you ask your partner, "You lost the trophy I got at school, didn't you?" It could be that he is lying while avoiding your gaze, but it could also be that he is looking back at you while denying it
Step 3. See if he's scratching his body excessively
If he is suddenly excessively scratching, it could be that your partner is lying. Scratching is sometimes an indication of increased anxiety. He can scratch any part of the body.
For example, you might ask your partner, "Are you out for drinks again?" It could be that he scratched his head and denied your accusations
Step 4. Watch your partner whether he or she moves a lot because of anxiety or not
This is a commonly used indicator to find out whether someone is lying or not. Partners can move around without moving, wiggling their feet, touching their faces, or rubbing their bodies against nearby objects. Or it could be that his body didn't even move at all.
- Suppose you ask him, "Are you spending money at the salon again?" Possibly while sitting his body seems to move as he tries to deny you.
- Or maybe you ask your partner, "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" She said yes, but not really, fiddling with the jewels she was wearing.
- If your partner concentrates on the lie, it requires more energy and focus than telling the truth, so the body stops moving or moves less.
Step 5. Watch how your partner sips his drink
If he takes a big gulp or drinks too much, he may be lying. Lying can cause changes in saliva production. It could be that too much saliva is produced so he often swallows it. It could also be that even less saliva is produced so he has to drink a lot.
For example, you ask your partner, "Are you working late again with the new boss?" It could be that your partner swallows excessively when denying it or suddenly has to drink water
Step 6. Pay attention to the combination of these signs
If your partner only shows one sign, it's not necessarily a lie. Your partner may drink right away when you ask a tough question, but don't assume that he's lying because he might be really thirsty. Instead, try to see if there is a combination of these signs. If his body is moving, his eyes are avoiding contact with yours, and you see some verbal cues as well, this is a stronger indication of a lie.
Method 2 of 2: Using Verbal Signs
Step 1. Find out if anything is inconsistent
This is the most basic verbal method to find out if your partner is lying or not. Try to use logic. If a person hears an unexpected noise, chances are his head will turn towards the source of the sound. So if he's running away without even looking back, he's probably lying. This is not easy to do if you do not have all the necessary information regarding the situation described by your partner.
- For example, you might ask your partner, "Did you come straight home after dropping the kids off at school?" Maybe he said yes. After that you see the odometer of the car showing the distance traveled that day is twice the usual. This is called an inconsistent thing.
- You can experience inconsistent speech when you ask your partner "Have you bought tickets for the concert we want to go to today?" He said yes, but you know that's impossible because you heard on the news that tickets were sold out.
Step 2. Ask unexpected questions
This is a "trap." This can be useful if you suspect that your partner has lied to you several times. Try to catch him red-handed by asking questions that are impossible or embarrassing to answer because he is dishonest.
- Maybe your partner repeatedly hides bad financial investments from you and lies about them. You could try asking him, "Let's go to the bank and ask the person there to show the report."
- Maybe your partner often lies about hanging out with friends that lasts quite late so you can say to him, "I have two tickets to the show tonight. Let's go."
Step 3. Try asking him for details
Notice if he gives too much detail or just rambling. If your partner is in a situation that feels uncomfortable, or in a situation that makes him or her feel guilty, he or she may have been overthinking the situation before. A lying partner can ramble on about what he's doing, where he's been, and who he's with if he's been racking his brains to cover up the lie.
Maybe you ask your partner what caused him to be late for your dinner appointment by three hours and his partner replied, "The roads are very congested. Besides that, there are grandmothers who cross too long, ambulances that make roads even more congested, road repairs that make roads narrow. …"
Step 4. Watch for signs of restlessness
This could be heard from the doubt in his voice. This could indicate that your partner is feeling restless because he is lying. If he often stops talking for a while, this could indicate that he is lying.
- For example, you ask your partner where he or she has been all day and your partner replies, "Oh, I…mm…go… Mm… with Dian, my friend."
- If he stops talking a lot or stutters, your partner could be lying because he needs more mental energy to guard against and tell lies. Especially if what is being asked is something more complicated, the couple also needs time to think about a response that is consistent with the story.
Step 5. Confirm with witnesses
One way to find out if your partner is lying is to find someone else who can refute the story he is telling. But you should be careful when using this method because the witness can also lie or provide inaccurate information. You can talk to multiple witnesses to get a consistent answer. If you only ask one partner's coworker, it could be that that person is lying to protect your partner. However, if two of his co-workers say the same thing, they are most likely telling the truth.
- For example, you ask your partner if he or she is in the office during working hours as they say. Then you can check with another witness, maybe a co-worker, to see if your partner is really telling the truth.
- However, if two or more witnesses show that your partner is lying, you will be able to know what really happened with more confidence.
Tips
Seek professional help to resolve more complicated disputes between your partner and yourself
Warning
- Lies between married couples can lead to feelings of distrust, isolation, and divorce.
- Arguing in front of children can hurt them emotionally.
- No lie detection method is completely guaranteed, not even a polygraph.
- Statements from eyewitnesses are often inconsistent.
