Depression is a mental illness that requires treatment, just like any other medical condition. If your partner is suffering from depression, you can do several things to help them. Helping your partner get treatment, supporting them during the treatment process, as well as taking good care of yourself are very important so that you can help your partner recover from depression. Keep reading if you want to know how to help a partner suffering from depression.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Arranging Treatment for Couples
Step 1. Pay attention to whether your partner is showing symptoms of depression
Your partner's behavior may make you wonder if he or she is depressed. If you're not sure, there are some common signs of depression that can help you determine if something isn't right with your partner. Some common symptoms of depression include:
- Constant feeling of sadness
- Shows no interest in hobbies, friends and/or sex
- Excessive fatigue or feelings of slowness in thinking, speaking, or moving
- Increased or decreased appetite
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
- Easy to get angry
- Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
- Weight gain or loss
- Thoughts of suicidal
- Digestive pain or problems
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or powerlessness
Step 2. Encourage your partner to seek help if he or she hasn't taken any steps
Your partner's depression may make him so helpless that he is unable to seek help on his own. Maybe he was embarrassed by the condition he was in. If you suspect your partner is depressed, encourage him or her to see and talk to a therapist.
- Arrange for your partner to talk to a therapist. The therapist can make a referral for the couple to see a psychiatrist.
- You can also ask your partner if he or she would like you to accompany them for moral support.
- If you're not sure where to start, you might also consider setting up a couple's meeting with your doctor for a recommendation.
Step 3. Expand your knowledge
Understanding depression, its effects and the treatment process will allow you to understand your partner better and help them make an informed decision. Ask questions, read books and visit trusted websites that provide information about the diagnosis and treatment of depression. There are many organizations that provide resources for people suffering from depression. Visit these websites and look for useful information while you support your partner.
- The website of the Indonesian Psychiatric Association and the Ministry of Health's Mental Health Promotion website provides a wealth of information, ranging from basic information, articles, and how to contact them.
- The websites of the Indonesian Psychological Association and the Airlangga University Journal of Clinical Psychology and Mental Health provide information on depression, articles and journals about depression.
- The Bipolar Disorder website provides a wealth of information about bipolar disorder, its causes and treatment.
Part 2 of 2: Supporting Couples
Step 1. Encourage your partner to open up to you
Talking about depression openly and treating it as a real illness with real consequences can often lighten the load on a depressed person because it shows someone who cares and is willing to help. It's important for your partner to get expert help, but your partner can also benefit from talking to you about how he or she is feeling.
- Say something to lift your partner's spirits every day so they know you care. Say something like, “I love you and I'm here to support you,” before leaving for work. Or acknowledge his accomplishments that day by saying, "I'm so proud of you and what you've accomplished today."
- Make sure your partner knows that you'll always be there for them by saying something like, “I know you're going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that I'm here to support you whenever you need someone to talk to. If you want to talk while I'm not home, give me a call and I'll be there for you.”
Step 2. Listen when your partner wants to talk
Showing that you are willing to listen to your partner and understand their point of view is another important aspect of your efforts to support them towards recovery. Let your partner express his feelings and make sure you give him the space to fully express yourself.
- Don't pressure your partner to express their feelings. You can simply tell him that you are willing to listen when he is ready and give him the time he needs.
- Listen to the words when your partner is talking. Nod your head and react appropriately so he knows you're listening.
- Every now and then, try to repeat what your partner just said during the conversation so they know you're paying attention.
- Don't get defensive or try to take over the conversation, or finish a sentence he's saying. Even though it can be difficult at times, try to be patient.
- To make your partner feel like you're still listening, say something like, "Okay," "Go on," and "Yes."
Step 3. Involve yourself in the couple recovery process
It's possible that you don't understand why your partner is depressed, but it's important that you support them throughout the treatment process. You may know what you can do to help your partner, but if in doubt you can ask. Some of the ways you can help your partner include:
- Take over some of the responsibilities a couple usually does. You can take over some of the usual tasks your partner does, such as paying bills, serving people who come knocking on the front door, dealing with arguments with neighbors, etc. If you're not sure, ask your partner what you can do to help them. Please remember that you don't take on that responsibility forever, only until he recovers. You can also ask friends and family for help.
- Make sure your partner's needs are met. Make sure your partner eats regularly, gets enough exercise, sleeps well, and takes their medication.
- Participate in counseling sessions, if possible or if your partner allows (don't force your partner to let you in).
Step 4. Cultivate hope in your partner, whatever it takes
Hope can come in many forms, including belief in God, love for children and other reasons that have special meanings for a partner. Investigate what matters most to your partner and remind him of those things when he feels he can't hold on anymore. Tell him that all bad things will pass even when it seems impossible, that you will be with him through it all, and that he is very important in your life.
- Let your partner understand that you really love him and, no matter what, you will support him through this difficult time. Tell him that you know that the condition is not his fault.
- Tell your partner that you can understand if he or she can't do household chores. Tasks you would normally consider normal such as feeding the dog, cleaning the house or paying the bills can overwhelm him.
- Remind your partner that it is illness that causes thoughts in their minds, and illness also causes them to think terrible, impossible, irreparable things, and so on. Understand how your partner is feeling and promise to find a way out together.
Step 5. Encourage your partner to re-do things he loves and try new things that can help his recovery
Take her out to a movie or go for a walk with you. If he refuses the first few invitations, be patient and don't stop doing it. But don't push him too hard because he might not be able to do too many things at once.
Don't forget to compliment your partner every time he does something that benefits him and makes him feel better. Simple statements like, “Thanks for mowing the grass. Now the page looks beautiful. I really appreciate it” can mean a lot to people who are depressed
Step 6. Make a plan to do fun things
Maybe your partner feels more comfortable spending time at home with you and your family, but there's nothing wrong with planning activities that are fun and can be enjoyed by the whole family. Having something to look forward to can have a positive effect on every member of the family. This activity is not only beneficial for a partner who is depressed, but also for you and your children because the change in atmosphere will provide an opportunity to get out of the daily routine.
If you don't have kids, consider bringing some good friends along, but make sure your partner will feel comfortable with them
Step 7. Recognize the signs of suicidal ideation
People suffering from depression sometimes commit suicide when they can no longer bear the hopelessness and helplessness they feel. If your partner is talking about suicide, take it seriously. Don't assume that he won't do what he thinks, especially if there's evidence that he's plotting. Watch out for the following warning signs:
- Threats or talk of suicide
- A statement that implies they don't care about anything or won't be there anymore
- Distribute his belongings; making wills or funeral arrangements
- Purchase of weapons or hazardous chemicals
- Sudden and unexplained elation or calmness after a period of depression
- If you observe any such behavior, seek help immediately! Call a medical professional, mental health clinic or psychiatric hotline on 500-454 for advice on what to do.
Step 8. Take good care of yourself
It's easy to forget your own needs when your partner is suffering, but if you're not feeling well yourself, you won't be able to help your partner. In fact, feelings of depression can affect the mood of the whole family. That's why you should take good care of yourself when helping your partner deal with their depression.
- Get enough sleep, eat regularly, keep exercising, and stay in touch with family and friends for emotional support.
- Take some time to be alone and get away from the situation for a while.
- Taking therapy or joining a support group can help you better cope with your partner's depression.
- Reduce stress at work and other situations. Too many sources of stress can make you tired.
- You'll also have to deal with the impact your partner's depression can have on your child. Seek advice from doctors and other medical personnel who have been dealing with children's health.
Tips
- Try to stay positive. It's easy to get caught up in the positive thoughts of your loved ones, but depression is a disease that can be cured.
- Don't take your partner's depressive behavior as a reflection of their personality. His social skills are impaired which can cause him to withdraw, be embarrassed, irritated or even angry. If your partner is venting anger, the cause is frustration with himself and his feelings. He's not mad at you, it just so happens that you're there.
- Be prepared to face rejection. Because depression obscures judgment, your advice and help may not be taken for granted. Try not to get angry or feel offended. Better not try to give him advice. You may have good intentions, but advice always comes from someone you think is superior and if you don't really understand what he or she has to go through, it's hard to guess what's best for your partner based on “your experience”. Stick to facts, medical advice, and things you know will make your partner respond.
- Be patient and acknowledge progress, no matter how long it takes.
- If your partner is not interested in having sex, don't be offended. Depression causes him to be unmotivated and that has nothing to do with you. Decreased libido is a classic symptom of depression, and is a common side effect of taking antidepressants. Don't assume your partner doesn't love you or isn't interested in you anymore.
- Go to your local hospital or mental health clinic for support and guidance. If the company you work for has an employee assistance program, take advantage of it. They can provide excellent support to help you work with your partner, as well as survive the hardships you may have to endure due to their depression.
Warning
- Don't try to fix everything by yourself because you can't. Seek the help of friends and other family members. Do your best and appreciate your efforts.
- While your support can go a long way in your partner's recovery, don't indulge in his urge to use drugs as a way to make him feel better. It might solve the problem in the short term, but it won't help much in the long run and will end up costing you more.
- If possible, in an emergency, try calling a medical professional or psychiatric hotline at 500-454 before engaging the police. Several incidents show that police intervention in cases of mental crisis ends in trauma or death. If possible, it's a good idea to involve someone you believe has the skills and training to deal with a mental health problem or psychiatric crisis specifically.
