Dealing with your parents' divorce can be difficult, especially if they remarry. Suddenly, you have a new stepparent, and possibly a half-sibling. The two families also got used to it and had to go through uncomfortable times. The key to dealing with a stepfamily lies in your attitude and there is a strategy for doing so. Your relationship with your parents and stepsisters can change.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with StepParents
Step 1. Don't expect you to become friends with him in no time
You won't be able to get close to your stepparents right away, and this isn't a problem. In fact, his relationship with you will not be the same as your relationship with your biological parents. If your stepparent's attempts to get closer feel too much, let him know that you want the relationship to work naturally, without being forced. There's nothing wrong with letting relationships develop naturally over time.
Step 2. Share your expectations
Your stepparents have a role in your family and life. He doesn't have the same role as your birth parents, but he will be in your life. Tell him what you want him to do for you, and what you don't want him to do. Don't go up to him and tell him you're upset with him, but establish good communication with him.
- For example, try telling him that you want him to help you with your schoolwork.
- You can also tell him that you are more comfortable having your biological parents give you advice about relationships.
Step 3. Try to be fair
When conflicts arise, children usually tend to side with the biological parents over the stepparents. Realize this and try to digest his words and actions without considering your stepparent's relationship with you. He will appreciate your willingness to take his side even if you haven't opened up to him that much.
- If you're bothered by what your stepparent is saying, try to take some time to think about it. If your biological parents said that, would you be upset too?
- Try to value your stepparent's contribution to the family as much as you value how your biological parents played a part in the family. For example, if your stepparents are throwing a party, try to enjoy the party as much as you would your real parents' party.
- Most importantly, try to see family conflicts from his point of view. Sometimes you are the one who can keep the family together.
Step 4. Be aware of the challenges stepparents face
You may not like seeing your biological parents remarry, but your stepparents actually face a huge challenge to be accepted by the whole family. Give him time to get used to being around new kids. By trying to understand it, it reduces the frustration she experiences with a new family.
Step 5. Tell your stepparent if you feel uncomfortable
It is common for confusion regarding gender to arise in the relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild. For example, a stepfather may be confused about whether he should hug his stepdaughter the same way he hugs his biological daughter. If you think his way of showing affection is too much, let him know.
This should be conveyed to him subtly. For example, you could say: "I know you want to be close to me and I appreciate that. But I'm not ready to be hugged that tight. I'll let you know when I'm ready."
Step 6. Let your birth parents help
If you're not as relaxed as your siblings, you may have a hard time getting used to your stepparent. Let your parents know that you want your family to be happy, but that you need help from them to get used to it. Communicating that you want to do your best to get to know your stepparents will improve your relationship with your biological and stepparents.
For example, you might say: "I'm trying to get used to this new family situation, but I'm having a hard time coping with the transition. Can you help me unhurriedly strengthen this new father-daughter relationship?" Then you are in control and your stepparents help you on this new path
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with Step Siblings
Step 1. View this new family as a "mixed family
" Your new half sibling is not an addition to your family, but this sibling is not separated from your family either. You currently have two families mixed into one. They are different from friends because you interact with each other at home. However, you don't have to view them as your real family.
Step 2. Look for common interests
You'll take a big step forward if you can find a thing or two that you and your half-sibling like. You don't have to spend all the time together, but for example you can invite them over to a ball game and this really helps your relationship. Try to get along with your stepbrother so that your relationship with your stepparent will improve too.
You can also try to build a relationship with your stepbrother by trying something you know he likes. For example, he likes to play futsal, you can ask him to play with him. This shows that you are trying to be a part of his life, instead of just him trying
Step 3. Accept that you have different rights
One source of contention with the new half-siblings is that they may be allowed to do different things, such as being allowed to sleep past 10pm. You can't change the house rules and you can't force your biological parents to give you the same rights. If any of the rights they get really bother you, tell your birth parents. Maybe your biological parents can think of a solution for you.
- If this difference in rights is related to an age difference, such as hours of sleep, you may receive the same treatment when you reach your half-sibling's current age.
- If it's differences in your education that are causing these differences, such as using your parents' car to meet friends, try talking to your birth parents. Maybe your biological parents aren't ready to give you that, but telling them that you're bothered by these differences can let them know that you're not completely satisfied with the situation in your family.
Step 4. Try to stay positive with your half-siblings
You don't need to be his best friend, but you should still interact with him regardless of whether you get along with him or not. Try to accept the habit. If he criticizes you, try to be calm. Explain why you are doing things your way and accept it if he can't respect your way.
Step 5. Be willing to share
If your stepparent also has children, especially if this child is younger than you, it is important that you share it with them. Tell him what he can touch. Also, keep things you don't want to share with him in a place he can't find him.
For example, you could invite your stepbrother to your birthday party. Introducing him to your friends is a great way to share your life with him
Method 3 of 3: Avoid Common Mistakes
Step 1. Avoid gossiping and insulting behind your back
You may notice strange or unpleasant behavior from your siblings and stepparents, but it's best to keep these feelings to yourself. Try to focus on only positive things. You may feel that your biological family will agree with your opinion, but this can make him uncomfortable. Maybe your siblings and biological parents are trying to get used to this new life and you are getting in the way by sharing your feelings.
Step 2. Don't cause money related problems
Asking for a little money can lead to a fuss. The stepparent will take the necessary steps to treat the stepchild like his or her own child, but he or she must also respect the rules that have been imposed by the biological parent.
Stepchildren should not consider stepparents a source of extra money. The stepparent is not your personal bank, so don't add to the tension in the relationship by trying to ask him for money
Step 3. Don't be rude
Don't expect your stepparents to allow you to act recklessly because they're not your real parents. You may be upset about your stepparent or step-sibling, and it's okay to feel that way, but don't use it to be careless. Remember that this situation is also difficult for them and they deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
Step 4. Request special time with your biological family
It may seem that the best way to build a relationship is to always try hard to do it. This is actually not true. Ask for special time alone with your biological parents to do something. You shouldn't always isolate your stepfamily, but sometimes it's a good idea to have special time for your biological family.
Step 5. Accept that your stepparents are different
Try to think that your stepparent behaves differently and reacts differently than your real parent. Be aware that maybe your stepmother doesn't agree with something your birth mother allows. Don't assume how your stepparent will behave or respond.
