Saying "no" is not easy, especially since you certainly don't want to hurt other people, especially your closest friends, do you? In general, any true relationship can be maintained by applying the norm of reciprocity. If a friend extends an invitation to do something, he or she is actually giving you something (opportunities to spend time together, get closer to each other, etc.). As a result, refusing the invitation indicates a lack of reciprocity that risks making the person hurt. Unfortunately, personal busyness of course will make it difficult for you to always agree to someone's invitation. If you have to say no, at least keep it in a positive way, especially if the friendship is important to you.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Preparing Yourself
Step 1. Remember, you have the right to say “no”
Just because someone asks you to do something, doesn't mean you're obligated to do it, right? If a friend asks you to do something you really don't want to do, ideally he won't force his way because your wishes are also important to consider.
Step 2. Don't give in to his attempts to make you feel guilty
Some people can be very pushy even after hearing your refusal. If you're in a similar situation, stay firm by reiterating the reasons behind your refusal.
Try to keep a friendly response. If necessary, try joking about the reactions your friends have shown when they heard about your rejection in the past. The joke will remind him that you've already refused his invitation so his current actions are solely to make you feel guilty
Step 3. Remember, you are not responsible for your friends' reactions
As long as you have sincerely apologized and done your duty to keep the friendship alive, your friend's reaction to the rejection is no longer a concern for you.
- In other words, his reaction to your rejection lies entirely in the person's hands. Always remember that every time the feeling of reluctance comes back in your mind after rejecting the invitation.
- Don't be afraid of your friends' reactions. Again, to the extent that you have served your duty as a good friend, his reaction to the rejection is not your responsibility. In other words, you don't always have to accept the invitation. If his reaction is negative, he may not be the best friend you have. Always keep that in mind if fear or aversion comes back into your mind.
Step 4. Remember, your time is limited
As a result, you will not always be able to accept everyone's invitation, even if that person is a close friend of yours. Your life has been filled with other commitments and responsibilities. In addition, there will always be things that are actually more important to do than socialize, such as working hard to stabilize your financial condition. Therefore, there is no need to feel shy if it is difficult to accept someone's invitation.
Part 2 of 3: Rejecting His Invitation
Step 1. Be willing to compromise
If you're reluctant to spend time with someone because he or she wants to do an activity you don't want to do (or you don't have time to do it, like traveling all day on weekends), try a compromise. For example, say that you want to travel with him, but can't agree to his specific plans.
- For example, if he wants to spend the whole weekend with you, but you only have time to spare on Saturdays, try recommending activities that you both enjoy and can do on Saturdays.
- Is there a movie you both want to see? If so, try taking him to the cinema to see the film. After all, you only need to spend a few hours doing it, right?
Step 2. Express your apology
Express your regret at not being able to accept the invitation, especially if your friendship is very important to you.
- A sincere apology should not be said too hastily. In other words, take as much time as possible to express your regrets, and give your friend your full attention when speaking.
- One example of a sincere apology is: "I'm really sorry, yes. I really want to go with you, but this time I really can't. Again, very sorry. Can you reschedule the plan so I can come along?"
Step 3. State the reason
If you don't mind sharing the real reason with your friends (for example, if the reason isn't personal), do so.
- If you don't want to give a real reason, try making ambiguous-sounding statements like, "I'm really busy this weekend" or "My life is a bit messy right now, so I can't go anywhere on the weekends" or " Thanks for the invitation, but sorry, I really have to recuperate this weekend."
- If you want to give specific reasons, make sure they sound logical so that you don't come across as lying.
- Some examples of logical and valid reasons are because you already have other plans, are busy doing other things, feel tired at the weekend, and need some time to be alone and rest.
Step 4. Don't give too many reasons
If you have to refuse someone's invitation, at least give a clear and straightforward reason. Don't give too many fanciful reasons so that your refusal doesn't sound “fake” to her ears. In other words, just give one apology and one honest reason. If you can't accept the invitation because you're too busy, admit it.
Step 5. Be polite
Express your refusal politely, even if you are very busy at the time and don't want to bring up the topic. Remember, no one likes to accept rejection, even if it is very minor and is done by a close friend. In other words, the heartache will sometimes remain.
- For polite reasons, express your hope that he will continue to have fun without you. In addition, also ask him to tell the things that you will later miss.
- If you want, try recommending another name that can "take your place". Doing so shows that you really want to see him having fun, despite your inability to accept the invitation at the time.
Step 6. Don't be ambiguous
Express your refusal in a firm way so that he can really know what you want. Give ambiguous-sounding answers such as "I'll try, yes" or "See you later, okay? Remind me again, okay?" knowing that you really don't want to accept the invitation will only make your friend feel alienated in uncertainty.
Such behavior is very selfish! What if he wants to make other plans but can't because he's waiting for your final answer?
Step 7. Try to buy time, if you feel the need
While you shouldn't be ambiguous, try to buy some time if you're not sure about your decision. The trick, convey that you will contact him again in the near future to make a decision.
Indicate the deadline for submitting the decision. Also, show your politeness by letting him know that he can make other plans if he feels that the duration is too long for him
Step 8. Offer a follow-up plan
If you can't accept the invitation, try offering a follow-up plan and deliberately taking time out when you're not too busy. If not, a new rush will come back, so you have to turn down the invitation again.
For example, if you've been busy on the weekends when he asked you to climb the mountain, try asking him to change the schedule to the following week. If maintaining friendships is really important to you, make sure your friends know about it
Step 9. Try to slip the rejection between the two acceptances
If he can't take your rejection positively, try tucking it in between two acceptances.
For example, if he wants to go hiking with you on the weekends, try responding by saying, “Thanks for taking me. Being friends with you is fun because I get to try a lot of fun new things. But I can't climb the mountain on Saturday, even though I really want to go. How about we go another day when I'm not too busy?"
Step 10. Be assertive without neglecting empathy
Try to put yourself at your partner's feet and consider the whole conversation from his perspective. Show that you understand his desire to have fun with you, but emphasize that at this point in time, you can't fulfill that desire.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Aggressive or Coercive Friends
Step 1. Start keeping your distance from him
Some people can be very aggressive or pushy when planning. If your friend immediately gets angry after hearing your refusal, or is constantly persuading you to change your mind, try to keep her distance from him while you're considering the decision.
For example, if he makes an invitation over the phone and forces you to accept the invitation, let him know that you will get back to him later
Step 2. Reject the invitation through the medium most comfortable for you
If you find it more difficult to decline his invitation in face-to-face communication, try texting or other means of refusal to make his attempts to persuade you no longer effective.
If he tries to call you, don't pick up! If necessary, let him know that you can't talk on the phone at this time
Step 3. Try writing a script containing the sentences you will later say
If your friend is constantly pushing in an irritated tone or is making you feel depressed and on the verge of giving up, try writing down everything you're going to say to him ahead of time. Read the script over and over so you can remember it! This way, if the behavior starts to recur, it will help you to give the rejection more smoothly and easily.
- When writing a script, try to think of conversations that have succeeded in persuading you to give in to their invitations. In other words, try to remember the way he acted or said that managed to affect you at that time.
- For example, if in the past he has accused you of always refusing his invitations, try recounting the moments you spent with him rebutting his accusations. With a script that has been planned, you should be able to defend yourself if he starts using the same tactics.
Step 4. Express your refusal in a firm manner, then quickly change the subject
If he's constantly pushing you, try to convey your refusal in a more assertive tone. After that, immediately change the topic of conversation so that he realizes that you no longer want to talk about the issue.
- For example, if he keeps asking you out to dinner on the weekends, try saying, “Thanks for asking, but I told you I couldn't, didn't I. Uh, by the way have you watched the movie (insert any movie title)? What do you think?"
- Remind your friends that everyone has a different personality and time constraints. That is why, some people can travel more often or do activities that are not necessarily liked by others. After that, confirm that you are willing to travel with him if possible. However, if you decline his invitation, it means you really can't travel with him so he doesn't have to react negatively afterwards.
Step 5. Ask your friend not to force his will
If all else doesn't work, try to directly emphasize that you feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. Also convey that his behavior has damaged your friendship.
For example, you might say, “I value our friendship, but sometimes I feel like you're forcing me to do something I can't (or don't want to) do. I finally got the feeling you didn't appreciate my perspective and time constraints. I would definitely go with you, if I could. But sometimes I already have other activities, so you shouldn't be angry if I refuse your invitation sometime."
Tips
- Do not rudely refused his invitation!
- Make sure you keep traveling with him every now and then so he doesn't assume that the rejection was based on personal reasons.
- As long as you feel like you've become good friends with him, there's no need to worry about his reaction to the rejection.
