Making the decision to leave your husband is life-changing and there are several factors to consider, especially if there are children involved. If you're trying to make this difficult decision, it's important to know that you're not alone – in America, for example, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is not a decision to be made lightly, and it is very important to consider your current situation as well as your future financial situation before making any action. But once you've made up your mind, it's very important to know what steps to take so that you can move towards your emotional and financial strength after leaving. If you want to know how to leave your husband, see Step 1 to get started.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Making a Decision
Step 1. Decide that it is time to end your marriage
Deciding to end your marriage is one of the toughest and most important decisions you will ever make, so it is very important that you are 100% sure that your marriage is really over before taking the next step. If you're on this page, chances are you've already made up your mind, but here are some reasons your marriage might actually be over:
- If the two of you are no longer a couple. This means that you and your husband have separate friends, separate interests, don't spend time together, and don't know what's going on in each other's lives.
- If your husband no longer wants to try. If you've repeatedly talked about problems in your marriage and your husband promised to change but never did or didn't want to change at all, it's probably time to leave.
- If you are in a violent relationship, get out. There is no good reason to stay in a violent relationship – or to prolong your suffering. If your relationship does involve violence, it's best to leave as soon as possible and break things off once you're safe.
- If one or both of you have cheated repeatedly. It's different if one of you has liked someone else and is trying hard not to happen again – but if cheating and liking someone else is a habit in your relationship, chances are it can't be saved.
- If you no longer feel like a team. If you're no longer making decisions together, communicating, or compromising, it's probably time to leave.
- If the two of you can't agree on having kids. If you really want to have children but your husband refuses, or vice versa, there's no point in continuing the relationship if you both can't agree on this important point.
- See if you can make this decision with a cool head. You shouldn't decide to leave your husband in the heat, but once you've had some time to think about it.
- See if you have tried everything and nothing works. If you've tried couples therapy, have had many long conversations with your husband, and if you've both tried changing your ways but to no avail, it may be time to leave. But if you've been dissatisfied for a while and your husband doesn't know, maybe you should talk about it first.
Step 2. Consider having an honest talk about it
The steps below can help you make the plans you need to leave your husband in secret – let him know after you've left. This can be helpful if you're not sure how your husband will react, or if you think he's going to stop you from leaving. But if you're both open to talking, if he's very supportive, and if you're always honest and open with each other, you should talk to him first and see if you both can work it out.
- You may be surprised by how many feelings your husband shares – or by what he is willing to do to not lose you.
- This doesn't mean you should let your husband convince you to stay. But if you have doubts and aren't sure whether the two of you can work it out, talking to him will make a big difference.
Step 3. Save your decision to yourself
This may be difficult, but this step is important in this case. Leaving a marriage can be a volatile situation and staying silent will give you time to prepare and build yourself up before you leave. Tell only a few close people who support your decision. Tell someone who can give you help and guidance – not someone who can't keep it a secret.
- If you don't want to talk about it with your husband and want to get out of a bad situation, it's best to keep it a secret so you have time to decide on the details. If your husband finds out about your plans and doesn't want you to leave, he could try to thwart your plans or make it difficult for you to do so.
- It may feel sneaky, but your goal should be to go with the best financial standing. You don't want your husband to get in the way of that.
- It can be hard not to act once you've made a decision, but it can likely take anywhere from 2-6 months to plan an exit strategy that will help you stay on top financially. While you may be ready to leave at any time, know that it's better in the long run if you take the time to organize before you leave.
Method 2 of 3: Making a Plan
Step 1. Set up a separate bank account
This is especially difficult for housewives who may not have outside income, but having money in savings will help you move forward in a better financial standing. Starting a separate account, even if you don't have a lot of money to put in, at first, can get you on the right track. This will make it easier for you to manage your personal finances before leaving your husband.
Taking money from a shared account should be a last resort – something you do before you leave
Step 2. Find a place to live
If you are leaving the wedding house, it is very important to find a place to live. In some cases, temporarily living with someone else can help, but in the long term, you will need to find a place to live that you can afford. This raises bigger questions about where you will live – if you don't have children, it will be easier for you to move across the country to be closer to your family. Maybe you want to try something new and live in a different climate. Whatever you want to do, have a plan and a temporary residence, or even sign a rental elsewhere can get you closer to your goal.
If you and your husband agree on a divorce and are comfortable enough to talk about it, you can talk about who is going to get out of the house the two of you share. If a child is involved, this can be an even more important question
Step 3. Finish your document
In marriage, you will collect many important documents such as documents relating to mortgages, vehicle and retirement plans, and others. Make sure you have a copy of this document as the property in question could be a problem in a divorce.
- If you see a lot of documents you are sure you will need. You should make a copy of it, maybe it will become important later. Better to be safe than sorry in completing the paperwork.
- If you really want to make detailed copies of everything, you can hire a professional to copy your computer hardware and even take photos of some of your valuable possessions. This can help you in the future if any money is “lost” in settlement.
Step 4. Make a plan for your child (if any)
If you and your husband have children, it is important to decide what is best for them. Do you think your husband is a good (or at least worthy) father who will be involved in his child's life, or do you have reason to believe that your child should not meet him? This will be one of the biggest decisions you will make in the process.
- Remember that you can't decide that your child should not see your husband because "you" don't want to see him again. There must be a good reason (such as alcohol abuse) to keep her away from her child.
- You should make this decision wisely, as it will determine a number of things, such as, likely, where you live, as well as the future of your child.
Step 5. Contact a divorce attorney
Divorce is very expensive and time-consuming, so you should look for a price you can afford, especially if you expect the process to be lengthy. While you may be tempted to cut costs and do this yourself, the right attorney can help you make the process easier and less painful. You don't want to end up in a financial problem that you can't fix because you don't want to pay for a lawyer.
If you really don't have the money for this, you might consider hiring a paralegal
Step 6. Start planning a budget after your divorce
If you're already in very good financial shape, this is a bonus, but it's important to consider the budget you'll have after you leave your husband. It's important to ask yourself this question before you leave so you don't get confused when the time comes. Unfortunately, studies show that many women face a or even 1/3 fall in their standard of living after divorce; however, don't let this discourage you! If you make a good plan, you can get through it. Here are some things you'll have to figure out:
- What new costs do you have to incur?
- Where will you save?
- How much does child care cost (if you have children)?
- How will you get the income you need?
Step 7. Don't rely on alimentation
Alimentation or child care assistance can certainly be part of your future income, but in today's economy, this is not guaranteed. If you're sure that your husband will pay for it, that's different, but you should ask yourself if you can count on your husband.
This is even more difficult if you are the main earner, because you will be the one paying for the alimentation
Step 8. Establish your credit record
If you don't have a credit record other than your husband's, it's very important to get one as soon as possible. You can start by getting a copy of your credit report; You can get at least one a year of all three birps at AnnoualCreditReport.com. Check and see if there are any errors. Then, start building your own credit by making wise purchases, making payments on time, and being wise in your financial management.
You may think that you have a strong credit report just because your husband is like that, but this may not be true if you are not very involved in the financial aspects of both of your lives
Step 9. Create a plan to increase your income
Once you better understand your living budget, you should think about whether you will need an increase in income to pay for it. If you have a high-paying job and a lot of savings, that's great – but if you need to get a job and have been spending a lot of time off work, or if you need a higher paying job, you need to act in that direction. This doesn't mean you have to be CEO of a new company before you leave your husband, but you can do some things that make it easier to increase your income after you leave. Here are some things you can do:
- Take classes that can help you specialize in the skills needed to land the job you want, whether you want to hone your computer skills or get certified in some form of specialization training.
- Buy a new suit so you're ready for the interview when the time comes.
- Update your CV. You don't have to send it before you leave your husband, but you should have it when the time comes. After you leave, you will likely feel more overwhelmed, and you may not have the time or mental strength to do something like renew your CV.
Method 3 of 3: Saying Goodbye
Step 1. Pack your things
You can choose to start with something smaller and less noticeable or you can do it all in one day. You must decide what is the safest way for your situation. If you think your husband will become violent or threatening if he sees you packing, make a plan to do this in his absence. However, it is better to have some friends or family members there to help you for your own safety and protection.
Packing things while your husband is at work is very helpful. Even if he encourages you to leave, packing up while he's around can be even more painful
Step 2. Go
You may have already told your husband that you are leaving or it may be a surprise. Even if you know you made the right decision, this last step may be the most emotionally difficult. Of course, every situation is different. If you and your husband have been talking about this for months, this may not be a big shock. If you are in a violent or threatening situation, leaving suddenly is the best option.
Whatever your reason for leaving, it's up to you to decide what method of leaving is the best – whether it's a frank and honest conversation or leaving without a letter
Step 3. Get as much emotional support as possible
This is not the time to be alone with your worries. After you leave your husband, you should lean on family, friends, or even a therapist, as much as possible. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do, and the pain is easier to manage when you have the support and love of the people who care about you the most. Don't be shy about asking for help.
- While it's important to get some alone time to deal with your feelings, it's also important to go out, make plans with friends, and have long conversations.
- Don't be afraid to reach out to old friends for help or just to chat. They understand that you are going through something very difficult and will always support you.
- Unfortunately, not everyone may agree with your plans and you could lose the support of friends or family in the process. Don't let this stop the firmness of your decision, and know that your decision can lead to building new and valuable friendships.
Step 4. Stand back up
This may not happen overnight. You will need to recover emotionally and financially, and it could take years for you to feel independent and in control of your life again. The important thing is that you know that you are on the road to recovery, and the decisions you make will lead to happiness in the future, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. And once you're back on your feet, you can commend yourself for being strong enough to leave your husband, and put your idea into action.
While women usually lose out financially in divorce, this doesn't prevent them from exploring new things they never knew they liked, improving in their careers, or doing many amazing things they weren't capable of in marriage. In the long run, you should not only be able to get back on your feet, but also become a stronger, wiser and contented person in the process
Tips
- You may need to store your belongings in a storage unit if you are temporarily living with someone else. You can find storage facilities that have flexible rental rates and durations.
- If you have children, try to keep things as normal as possible. Making the transition from a family to a single parent household can be tough; Remember to allow your child to be open about their feelings.
Warning
- Don't be silent in an atmosphere of domestic violence. There are agencies in every country available to help women and children leave threatening situations safely. Agents can also help you find a job, a home, and provide basic furniture to help you get started.
- Never be physically harsh with your husband. The legal ramifications will not help you in the divorce. Stay calm at all times.
- Never argue or fight in front of children who may be in the house.
- Do not damage your husband's belongings. He could try to get you to pay for the damages in a divorce or sue you.
- Don't, if possible, get involved in another relationship until the separation and divorce are over.
