You are communicating via text message (SMS) with your boyfriend, best friend, or new acquaintance, and you feel that something is not right. Is this person lying to you? If so, how do you know someone is lying through a text message? While there's no real way to detect it, there are plenty of signs to look for if you want to know if someone is lying or not in a text message.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Obvious Signs
Step 1. See if the person takes a long time to respond
One study showed that people would spend 10 percent longer responding to a question via text message when they were lying. This is natural, they need more time to think of a convincing answer. Especially if you are used to replying to each other quickly and suddenly he responds very long.
- If you have an iPhone and see dots (“…”) at the end of a message reply, it means that person is making up the perfect response. This can also be a sign.
- But remember, just because someone takes longer to reply to a message doesn't mean they're lying. If someone really likes you, they may take longer to reply because they want to give you a memorable answer. Or it could be, he's busy when you just asked an important question.
Step 2. Notice if the answer is convoluted
If you ask a simple question like, "What were you doing last night?" and the person answered three paragraphs, he probably wasn't telling the truth. Some people think, the more detailed the answer, the more convincing. In fact, it could be the other way around, especially if the person isn't used to sending you long, descriptive text messages.
- If someone is describing every little detail of what he did last night when you just want a simple answer, it could be just to convince you that the story he made up really happened.
- If the person isn't good at lying, he or she may repeat mid-conversation to correct her words.
Step 3. Notice if he tries to quickly divert the conversation
If he's trying to change the subject, it could be a sign he's lying. Just like in a face-to-face conversation, if the person you're chatting with is lying, they naturally don't want to linger on the topic. If the person answers quickly and then asks a more complicated question, it's very likely he's trying to divert the conversation so that his lie doesn't get caught.
He might say something like this: “I stayed up late with John. How about you? How was your night?”
Step 4. Notice if he says he suddenly has to leave after answering your text message
Oh, oh! If he does this, chances are he's not a great liar. If you guys are in a cool conversation and you get the feeling he's lying, then suddenly he has to leave, then, well, this might be a less subtle way of avoiding the consequences of his lie.
It would be even more suspicious if the person simply left the conversation without explanation, and you don't think he had any plans to leave at the time
Step 5. Notice if he tries to say nice things to you after replying to a message
If the person tries to compliment you or say nice things after they lie, then you should be suspicious. If he's not used to telling you how much he misses you or how beautiful you are, and you suddenly hear him after he's given a clever answer to your question, then this could be a way he's trying to cover up his lies.
- Of course, it doesn't matter if he's used to being nice to you. But if he's suddenly saying all the sweet things you've always wanted to hear, you need to be suspicious.
- If the person lying is not in a romantic relationship with you, he or she can also give you a quick compliment or a positive word to drive suspicion out of your mind.
Step 6. Pay attention to language expressions
While expressive language doesn't necessarily mean that someone is lying, if he doesn't usually use emotional or empathetic language in his text messages and suddenly changes, it could be because he's really afraid you won't believe him. This is as bogus as a fraudulent email under the guise of seeking a match.
If your boyfriend says, “I missed you so much last night. Even though I'm with friends, I really look forward to your presence,” so it could be that she's trying a little hard for not telling the truth
Step 7. Trust your instincts
While we can't 100% tell if someone is lying unless you find evidence or know the truth, you can certainly listen to what your heart has to say. If you feel like something's not right and realize you're not getting the right answer, it could be that someone you care about is lying. If the problem is big and you feel betrayed, the best solution is to ask the truth.
Unfortunately, one study shows that we can only spot other people's lies as much as 54% of the time, which means that your chances of catching someone's lie are no better than a toss of a coin. But still, your instincts are leading you in the right direction, especially if the person in question is lying a lot
Part 2 of 2: The Odder Omen
Step 1. Notice if he adds his answer frequently
If he keeps adding to his answers, this could be another sign that he's lying and trying to get you to believe him. This additional answer shows that he's not sure his answer alone will convince you and he feels that it's worth the extra effort. Here are some choice sentences to look out for when you're trying to catch a liar:
- "To be honest…."
- "Actually I mean…"
- “I don't want you to misunderstand, but…”
- “Actually, it's like…”
Step 2. Notice if he gives vague or uncertain answers
Another way to catch a liar is to notice if he refuses to tell the truth about what he's doing and continues to give vague answers. If he's unsure of what happened last night or any of the answers he's given, then this could be because he's not telling the truth. Here are some sentences to watch out for:
- “It was probably around midnight when…”
- “Maybe it's because…”
- "I'll be home maybe around two o'clock."
- "I'm not sure if…"
- “It looks like…”
Step 3. Notice if the attitude is different
You know what this guy's texting style is like. If he's usually very relaxed with his text messages, or is the type to write flawlessly, error-free, and suddenly you feel like you're receiving text messages from someone else, this person could be lying. The reason could be that he's busy making up the perfect answer, or worse, that he's with someone else telling him what to reply.
Scroll through your old text messages with it. Do the text messages look like they're from the same person, or do they seem like their cell phones have been taken by a stranger? Even if you don't understand why, you'll find out if the text message feels different
Step 4. Notice if he is inconsistent with the timing issue
Saying different times can also be a sign that he's lying. This person is probably too busy making up stories to forget when it happened.
- Be careful when someone says something like this: “Last night, I went out with friends for a drink. But, I just drank a little. Then, I plan to go home before sunset…”
- People can be inconsistent a matter of time once they start making up stories in their heads.
Step 5. Pay attention to trivial details
If he's telling too many trivial details when normally the text messages aren't that long, it could be that he's trying to erase his tracks to make his story believable. If he's telling you what music he's playing when you just want to know who he's with, it could be a sign that he's lying.
If he says, “I had dinner with Jim last night. He kept talking about The Raiders. We also ate french fries,” even though he usually doesn't answer in this detail, it could be that he's lying
Step 6. Notice if the text message is polished in such a way
If he usually doesn't answer with perfectly grammatical correct sentences, and suddenly the text messages you get from him seem to come out of a language textbook, then this is a sign that he's trying hard to seem like he's telling the truth. However, if he was used to this, it wouldn't mean anything.
If he's used to using a lot of abbreviations, doesn't use capital letters or punctuation, or just doesn't care about his writing, he's probably lying if suddenly his sentences use neat and perfect grammar
Step 7. Notice if he omitted the subject of the sentence
Another sign of a lie is that he deletes all subjects while he is explaining what happened or answering your questions. This is a way of avoiding responsibility and making it seem as if the situation really "happened" to him, as if no one was to blame. In general, the use of the passive voice can indicate the existence of "something".
- If someone was telling the truth, he would reply, “I went with friends. Finally we took a taxi to go home. I didn't even realize it was late at night."
- If he was lying, he would probably say the same thing without using the subject pronoun: “Everyone go together. Take a taxi home. Then the night just went by…"
