After a relationship ends, many people feel they are in a gray area. Is the attitude of the ex who continues to approach a nuisance, or is it a violation that can be prosecuted legally? The answer may not be simple. However, there are ways to tell the difference as well as warning signs to look out for. The action in dealing with the business of an ex who just wants to return and the disturbance that includes criminal is certainly different. However, you can take basic steps to work around it.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Identifying the Level of Disturbance
Step 1. Distinguish between criminal annoyance and ordinary annoyance
Attacks, violence, threats, and even stalking are criminal offenses. If you get such harassment from your ex, report it to the authorities. The police will keep an eye on him and even issue orders to stay away from you. On the other hand, it could be that he doesn't mean to physically or emotionally bother you, just hasn't accepted the decision yet. If so, there are things you can do to make her feel more comfortable while she's trying to come to terms with the breakup.
- The letter of prohibition will keep him away from you. If it still bothers him, he can be arrested.
- There is a difference between civil disturbance and domestic violence. Domestic violence is perpetrated by family members and spouses. While civil disorder involves two people who have no family ties or personal relationship. However, the behavior that violates the law remains the same, namely committing violence, attacking, threatening, stalking, and other harmful behaviors both physically and emotionally.
- Violence can be physical or emotional. For example, hitting, yelling, and harassment. In essence, any behavior that harms you.
- Threats of violence are also emotionally harmful, whether in direct or implied expression.
- The usual annoyances might be just endless calls or messages. If your ex just calls often to ask what you think of him or her, that's not even an illegal nuisance.
Step 2. Watch his behavior
If the disturbance becomes more serious, you may need to change your mind and contact the authorities. The police need to know some details about the ex's behavior. So, pay close attention, if you need to note. It can be useful if you feel that his attempts to contact you have turned violent.
- Who, what, when, where, and why. Those are fundamental details that the authorities will definitely ask.
- How often do the disturbances occur?
- Are you alone when he annoys you?
- Have you said that his behavior is undesirable?
- Is there any real evidence of interference that he did? You may not need to file a lawsuit, but cases will be easier to resolve with physical evidence.
Step 3. Say that his behavior is unacceptable
It may seem obvious to you, but in order for him to stop, you have to express your fears and discomfort in a firm way. Notification is also the first step in a lawsuit against unwanted behavior. By saying that you've asked him to stop, his attempts to contact or harm you would be a criminal offence.
For example, say, "I know you still want to be close to me, but I'm annoyed by your constant calls. I want you to stop calling me, at least 2 weeks. I'll definitely call you if I need to." Given the time limit, he might find it easier to comply. After 2 weeks or as long as that feels like enough, he's probably less obsessed with you
Step 4. Realize that he's not trying to harm you
Not all disruptive behavior is criminal or violent. Maybe he was just driven by a vestige of feelings. Don't be so harsh when he still hasn't accepted the breakup. There's no point in calling the police to complain about someone who isn't a threat.
For example, he wants to bring lunch to your office. His attitude was unwelcome, but he only brought food. Try to forget that you and he ever had a relationship, and see his attitude as it is
Step 5. Perform the “outsider test”
Imagine someone watching your ex act. Will they think there is a threat or call the police? If so, the former's action is a violation of the law. You need to know if he is a threat as soon as possible so you can contact the police before danger occurs.
For example, recall the last meeting with him. Is he raising his voice or being physically pushy, or implying a threat? Is the language harsh? If not, maybe he really doesn't mean to get back at you, just wants to know what went wrong that caused the breakup to happen
Part 2 of 2: Dealing with an ex who doesn't give up
Step 1. Avoid
If he is generally rational, then his efforts are driven by a desire to be close to you. Don't encourage. Try to avoid it whenever possible. This may be difficult if you work in the same place or hang out in the same environment. However, if you avoid him as much as possible, over time he will find it easier to accept the breakup.
Notice if his efforts become more persistent after you cut off all contact. This kind of irrational attitude may be a sign of a criminal disorder or even psychosis. If he is more aggressive or violent, contact the police immediately
Step 2. Tell friends and family
You have to have supporters at times like this. They can also serve as neutral assessors of whether the ex's behavior has crossed the line. Have them contact you regularly to make sure you are okay and that the disturbance does not develop into harassment or violence.
Step 3. Don't respond when he calls
If he sends you a message that makes you angry, take a deep breath before doing anything else. It's probably best not to respond at all, and let his feelings for you evaporate. Or maybe you think he'll be more persistent if he doesn't respond. If so, respond positively, kindly, and as briefly as possible. Let them know you appreciate it, but don't want to continue the relationship.
If he doesn't stop texting, reply briefly and firmly, like, "I still appreciate you, but I'm not coming back. Please don't text again."
Step 4. Create a new email filter or account
Until this issue is resolved, you may not want to receive any form of communication. You can limit either of them by creating an email filter for unwanted messages. However, if you don't want to risk opening the messages by accident, consider creating a new account. Only share the account address with people who need it, and tell them why. This will create a safe space between you and your ex.
To create an email filter step by step, see this article
Step 5. Block the number
Phones and voice or text messages will be harder to ignore than emails. That must be stressing you out. Luckily, you can block the number easily. See this guide to block numbers with different phone types.
Step 6. Hang out with other friends
If your ex is part of one of your friends' circles, take this as an opportunity to try new entertainment and make other friends. It's unlikely that old friends will cut off contact with you unless there's a reason. However, relieve yourself of stress by keeping your distance for a while. They'll appreciate that because in the process, you're also saving them some discomfort.
Step 7. Keep the interaction short
Sometimes, direct contact with your ex is unavoidable. At that time, make contact in a public place and briefly. He won't try to be violent in front of other people, and you'll be more comfortable too. If he turns out to be crossing the line, someone will help or at least be a witness.
A depressed or hysterical reaction may actually make him feel like he has to “help” you. However, by being calm and interacting only in general terms, he will see that you are happy and may not want to disturb you. After all, if he really loves you, he should wish you happiness even if it means moving away
Warning
- If you feel threatened or unsafe, contact the police immediately.
- If you've considered changing your locks or moving, it's likely that the behavior is a violation. You don't have to hear verbal threats to understand. Call the police immediately.
- Consider the relationship cycle. The abandoned party takes longer to recover because he or she is still denying while you are accepting. Some people take several weeks or months before it returns to normal. There are also those that take much longer, even years. The length of time it takes to recover depends on the length and closeness of the relationship itself. Also, if the breakup has only been a few days or weeks, it's natural for him to want to come back. He might be hurt. Do not report him to the police unless his behavior includes violence or harassment. If you do something wrong, you will hurt him even more.
