In fact, even the most stable and healthy relationships can falter when one party decides to become close friends with the opposite sex. Does your partner also have female friends and their relationship status has you starting to question or worry about? If so, understand that these feelings are perfectly normal, especially if your partner does spend a lot of time with the woman. However, make sure you still trust your partner and don't think about the worst. Try to accept the woman as a friend of your partner and not exaggerate their relationship. If this is difficult, try to take some time to reflect on your relationship situation with your partner.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Accepting His Existence
Step 1. Join in their activities
Take this opportunity to observe whether or not your partner makes changes when the woman is around him. Do this to make sure that their relationship status is just friends.
- If your partner is suddenly reluctant to show your affection for you in front of this woman, chances are there is a problem that you should be aware of.
- If your partner is just casual friends with the woman, both parties should show respect for you. If the three of you are traveling together and nothing negative comes out, chances are they are just friends and there's nothing to worry about.
Step 2. Get to know his friend more closely
If you're concerned about your partner's girlfriend's intentions, why not try to take the time to get to know her better and spend some time with her unaccompanied? Chances are, doing so will make you realize that your concerns are unfounded.
- When the two of you are spending time together, try to see it through your partner's eyes. Does he have a pleasant personality? Is the joke interesting? Is he a good listener? Give him a chance and don't immediately look for his shortcomings.
- If their relationship is purely a friendship, he shouldn't mind getting to know you better. However, if he seems jealous because he has a different role to you in your partner's life, then you should be wary!
Step 3. Don't be passive-aggressive about their relationship
If you're really having a hard time accepting their friendship, try reflecting. Passive-aggressive behavior generally occurs when someone is afraid to tell the truth or express their thoughts. For example, you might intentionally not listen to your partner's story about their girlfriend, or you might be planning a birthday party but “forgetting” to invite her.
Your goals may be achieved through such behavior, but unfortunately your relationship could be damaged by it. Therefore, when you feel that you are behaving this way, try to think of more adaptive ways to express your thoughts and meet your needs
Part 2 of 3: Getting Your Partner to Communicate
Step 1. Write down your complaint before communicating it to your partner
As well as helping you to manage the thoughts that come up, doing so can also help you focus and not give emotional responses. Remember, your partner should hear your complaints, not just your cries or screams.
Focus on specific behaviors or events that you think you should watch out for, including your partner's habit of communicating on the phone with the woman every night, your partner's preening behavior before meeting the woman, or the behavior of your partner who seems to be hiding something from you
Step 2. Share your complaint with a trusted person, such as a friend or sibling
Then, ask if your concerns are justified. For example, if your partner and girlfriend live in different countries and only see each other once in a while, you probably don't need to worry as much as when they spend time together almost every day.
- Chances are, the third person can give you views you didn't think of before. In addition, he is also able to clarify whether or not there is a real problem that you really need to worry about.
- The process will also train your ability to communicate complaints. As a result, you will feel more prepared when you have to discuss with your partner.
- By taking the time to listen to a third person's opinion, you actually have a pause to calm down before complaining to your partner. It's best to give yourself at least 24 hours to calm down and prepare yourself after going through an upsetting event.
Step 3. Approach your partner in a non-threatening way
Don't say, "We need to talk…" which can put him on the defensive because he feels something is wrong. Instead, bring up the topic casually while the two of you are driving or doing other activities with him. Remember, men may be intimidated by discussions that involve intense eye contact. Therefore, sit next to him and don't confront him.
- Start with a casual conversation to gauge how he feels about the situation. If he suddenly becomes defensive or overprotective of his girlfriend, chances are that there are more serious issues that you should be aware of.
- The conversation should focus on the two of you, not on your partner's defense when trying to justify his habit of spending time alone with the woman. If the entire conversation is spent talking about why your partner needs to spend time with the woman or vice versa, chances are that romantic feelings are already brewing between the two of them.
Step 4. Explain your concern using “I” speech
Make your complaint as specific as possible. Maybe, you feel your partner does not realize that the woman likes him. Or, maybe you feel like your partner is spending more time with them than with you. Either way, state your complaint clearly. By acknowledging the feelings that arise, you are actually helping to focus the conversation on your desires, not on the woman. Some examples of "I" utterances are:
- "I feel neglected when you and him do the activities we've always wanted to do together, because you don't seem to want me there."
- "I feel sad when you cancel your appointment but end up going with him, as if working with him is more fun than with me."
- "I feel annoyed when I see the poses of the two of you when taking pictures, especially when our friends ask why you pose like that with him."
Step 5. Try not to look upset if your partner ignores your complaints
If he really isn't interested in the woman, this might be his way of ending the topic. In some cases, it is possible that the party initiating the interaction is not the partner, but the woman. Therefore, give your partner time to reflect on their friendship independently.
Making your partner aware of the strange behavior of his girlfriend can also help him to become aware of the romantic feelings she has. For example, if your partner doesn't pick up the phone when she's with you, will she keep calling until she gets a response? If so, this behavior can be categorized as an "oddity" that should be watched out for on the part of the woman, not on the part of the partner
Part 3 of 3: Setting Boundaries
Step 1. Discuss the issue of infidelity
What actions would you and your partner classify as infidelity? In fact, men and women often have different views on the issue. In many cases, men assume infidelity occurs if there is sexual activity in it. Meanwhile, women consider infidelity to have occurred if there is emotional closeness and seduction between their partners and other women.
The agreed-upon definition of infidelity will set a benchmark for what behaviors can, and cannot, be tolerated in a relationship. Therefore, make sure the issue is defined as clearly as possible to ensure that the couple does not cross the line in their friendship with other women
Step 2. Determine where you and your partner are in the relationship
Is the relationship between the two of you classified as exclusive? Or, does your partner feel legitimate to be dating another woman at the same time? Make sure you both have the same perspective on the relationship to reinforce each other's expectations and boundaries, especially when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex.
If you both agree to take the relationship seriously, communicate the commitment to your partner's girlfriend so that the information is understood by her as well
Step 3. Set rules that make you feel more comfortable
Perhaps you would prefer that your partner is not traveling alone with a friend. If your partner seems reluctant to negotiate the rules, there may be something bigger he is hiding. Supposedly, he wouldn't have objected to the rule if he didn't harbor any interest in his girlfriend.
Also consider the rules about how often they meet, how they spend time together, or how your partner responds to calls and text messages from girlfriends when they're with you
Step 4. Turn the situation around
See if your partner doesn't mind seeing you have a male friend. Maybe, all this time he just had a hard time understanding your jealousy. Therefore, try to raise the possibility and listen to his opinion. Remember, this is not your way of getting revenge, huh! That is, don't intentionally get close to other men to make him jealous. Instead, take this opportunity to help him understand your perspective.
Step 5. Remember, trust is a very important aspect of any healthy relationship
In other words, you have to respect your partner and not hide anything from him! In addition, both of you must also believe that all parties will make a positive contribution to the relationship, no matter what the situation.
- If your partner is hiding information about their friendship with other women, there's a much bigger possibility that they're hiding something bigger. Explain to your partner that his actions have actually damaged the trust that exists between the two of you.
- Trust that your partner will not betray you. Therefore, don't exaggerate the problem if your partner is not showing any obvious signs of infidelity or betrayal.
Step 6. End the relationship with your partner
Of course you have to trust your partner! However, if the strange suspicion doesn't go away, there's nothing wrong with following that instinct. If you and your partner are starting to feel uncomfortable, and/or if your partner refuses to distance themselves from the woman, don't hesitate to end the relationship between the two of you.
