To prevent people from making you angry, you should try to identify your own feelings of discomfort before the upsetting event occurs. When an incident does occur, you should step away and take advantage of this opportunity to analyze your thoughts and feelings more thoroughly. Learn from each experience, once it's over, so you can better manage your emotions in the future.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Part one: Before It Happens
Step 1. Take responsibility for your reactions
Above all, you have to understand that no one has the right to force you to feel this way or that. You are responsible for your own feelings and reactions.
You can't stop other people from doing things that make you emotional, but you can still hold yourself back
Step 2. Let go of the desire to change other people
Just like the fact that other people don't have the right to force you to react the way they want, you can't force them to act and react the way you want them to. Get rid of the idea of stopping other people from making you angry.
- Recognize your every desire to change someone, to make someone else guilty just to make you feel right, to control someone, or to force people to listen to you. Also identify your individual expectations of how things "should" be that set you apart from others.
- All of these desires can be general tendencies or desires that only apply to certain people. However, you must be able to identify and stop yourself from depending on these emotions.
Step 3. Assess the anger or negative emotion
Think about the last time someone made you angry. Ask yourself what makes you emotional and think about how to heal it.
- Try to identify the root cause of your anger. Ask yourself what feelings of insecurity or fear connect them in the inner recesses.
- If you can't do this alone, try talking to an objective psychologist or friend.
Step 4. Separate yourself from the ego
Remind yourself that you are not the center of the earth. You are as important as anyone else, but in essence, everyone has the same basic rights as you to happiness and well-being.
Commit to the idea of having a peaceful reaction to emotional provocation. Affirm this in your mind every day so that it really sticks
Step 5. Create boundaries
Think of the people who used to make you angry and establish healthy boundaries with them. You can't control their behavior, but you can certainly limit their chances of upsetting you.
- People who really just want to annoy you should be avoided and removed from your life as much as possible.
- A loved one who has the heart to take advantage of your weaknesses for personal gain, may be allowed to be retained, depending on the situation, but the problems that exist between you must still be discussed seriously. If this behavior persists, even after you've talked about the boundaries, reinforce your stance by stopping talking about anything that could be used to harm you.
Step 6. Think positive
Your reactions are determined by feelings, and these feelings are determined by thoughts. Get in the habit of regularly looking at things from a positive point of view, so you don't get carried away easily by emotions.
- Thoughts produce emotions. Emotions produce behavioral choices, and every choice has consequences, good and/or bad. If you start the process with negative thoughts, the results will likely be negative as well. On the other hand, positive thoughts are much more likely to produce positive results.
- For example, if you have a long-distance friend who never calls or texts you first, you may view this behavior negatively. Who knows he actually always replies to news quickly and seriously, even though he never started it first. Focus on the seriousness shown rather than ignoring and only seeing the bad.
Step 7. Treat others as you would like to be treated
Respect is reciprocal. Your treatment of others is considered to be the standard of treatment that you also expect from others.
Showing respect doesn't guarantee the other person will respect you in return, especially if the person has no intention of getting along with you. However, respecting and treating loved ones well will usually also encourage them to behave in the same way towards you
Part 2 of 3: Part Two: When Being Annoyed
Step 1. Give yourself some breathing space
When someone says or does something upsetting, step back from the situation before you react.
- By giving yourself a chance to process your feelings, you create a filter between your brain and your mouth. This filter can prevent you from reacting that would further exacerbate the situation.
- Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling right now. Cry, swear, or scream into the pillow's arms when necessary.
- Once the emotions are released, do something to calm yourself down. Meditate, do breathing exercises, or take a short walk.
Step 2. Identify where it hurts
There are various types of mental pain. Ask yourself what exactly you are feeling and why the situation makes you feel that way.
- You have to stop blaming the people who irritate you, if you want this method to work. Only by centering yourself will you be able to deal with emotional outbursts properly.
- Among many other possibilities, the inner pain you feel may actually be the result of feelings of not being understood, lonely, rejected, neglected, abandoned, or not enough in the eyes of others. It can even be a combination of various mixed feelings.
Step 3. See the relationship
Go back in time and identify when you've felt this way in the past. Compare and ponder how all these separate events are related.
- If you are observant and diligent, you may begin to realize what sensitive things are the easiest to trigger your emotions. This will usually make it easier to relate past and present incidents to this sensitive matter.
- However, if you're unable to relate to certain sensitive issues, take the time to ascertain what things went unnoticed, what and where their real roots were.
Step 4. Identify irrational feelings and thoughts
Take a step back and try to look at it from an objective point of view. Ask yourself if there are feelings and thoughts that you feel are irrational. Challenge all those thoughts.
- Ask yourself why this mental pain arises. What do your instincts say about this incident? Once you are able to identify the exact meaning of the drama in question, you will be able to determine whether the meaning is accurate or not.
- For example, having a fight with a new boyfriend doesn't mean the relationship is over right away, even if your instincts believe it.
- Beware of over-emotional. Negative emotional responses are normal and natural when bad things happen, but if the negative emotions struggle to swell up inside the mind to the point of being difficult to handle, it could be an irrational response.
Step 5. Briefly look at things from the opposite point of view
Spend some time imagining yourself being someone else (which is annoying). Try to find out why the person did this.
- Ask yourself if the person in question might be having a certain problem that is causing them to behave badly. Try to understand the other person's inner pain while confessing and understanding personal problems.
- Decide if the incident occurred accidentally or on purpose. You will find it easier to forgive when you know that there is no malicious intent behind it.
Step 6. Ask yourself how the impact of your reaction will be
Consider the impact you have on yourself. You may find that your own reaction is more detrimental.
Consider what will happen if you react to an irrational response. Ask yourself if the benefits are in your favor as an individual or to the relationship with the other people involved. If the answer is "no", then your instinctive reaction is unhealthy
Step 7. Identify your options
Make a mental note of other possible responses to this incident. Look at this inner note and ask yourself what kind of response should be made.
- While the details vary depending on the case, your most basic choice is to take your pain out on someone else or stay calm even if you're irritated.
- Consider the long-term options as well. You can set boundaries in the future to limit yourself and those who irritate you, if deemed necessary.
Step 8. Form realistic conclusions
Return to the irrational meanings and conclusions that have been identified previously. Change all those conclusions to be more realistic.
- Look at your initial conclusions about the related incident. Once you've decided which aspect of your response is irrational, you should already know what irrational expectations look like. You can build more reasonable expectations based on knowledge of what is unreasonable.
- For example, you might conclude that your relationship has ended after one big fight. Once you identify those conclusions as irrational, you can conclude later that fights are normal in all relationships and can be resolved.
Part 3 of 3: Part Three: After
Step 1. Acknowledge your victory
When you manage to stop yourself from getting emotional easily, congratulate yourself. The process is very self-disciplined and one to be proud of.
On the other hand, you should also forgive yourself if you fail. If you're flabbergasted and exploding after being annoyed, admit the failure and forgive yourself. Only after being able to forgive yourself will you be able to let go of negative experiences
Step 2. Be grateful for the lessons learned
Instead of seeing every incident as a pointless test of patience and kindness, tell yourself that every trial is an opportunity to learn and grow to be a better person.
- Reflect on each experience after it has passed. Ask yourself if there are any lessons you learned from the process and whether you would apply the process to similar incidents in the future.
- Over time, you may find that old wounds begin to heal and old misconceptions begin to be corrected.
Step 3. Consider sharing experiences
When someone accidentally upsets you, approach them after you've calmed down and explain what happened. By sharing your experience you may be helping the person learn to improve their attitude. Your relationship with him may also get stronger.
- The key is to have a calm and fair discussion. You must be willing to communicate honestly, and for that you must be willing to take responsibility for the experience without blaming others.
- Avoid this technique when dealing with people who are deliberately making a fuss, as these people just want to make you miserable and may even try to use this experience to harm you in the future.
