Getting to know your lover better can sometimes make you think about many things, including their gender identity. This can be a tough topic to talk about, but being sensitive to the things he's worried about will make things better in the future. We'll tell you the potential signs you can look for, but know that you can't be completely sure unless he's honest with you. And when they come clean, how do you react?
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Part 1 of 2: Open-minded and understanding
Step 1. Recognize that there are no obvious and reliable physical signs
You won't be able to identify a transgender just by their physical characteristics. The human body is very diverse, and one characteristic alone cannot provide much information about a person. In addition, genital surgery has developed so rapidly that many people who have had it (not only transgender) are difficult to distinguish from those who have never had it.
Step 2. Avoid asking if she is transgender
You will only hurt him. If the person you're talking to is indeed transgender, he or she may have decided not to tell you. Otherwise, you are simply accusing him of being an identity that you perceive as negative. Asking directly can lead him to do one of two things: What's the worst case scenario? Spilling the drink on your face. The best possible? Just go.
Providing this information can be very painful and even dangerous for him. After all, this information is his which he might pass on to you if he feels safe enough with you. In short, he's not obligated to tell you and he shouldn't be if he doesn't want to. After all, he will most likely tell you before having sex
Step 3. Examine your own prejudices
If you are wondering if your boyfriend is transgender, you may have some negative stereotypes in your mind that are not based on reality or you don't want to deal with someone who is male/female. In addition, your reaction to your boyfriend if he is transgender, based on personal misunderstandings and prejudices, can be devastating for someone who is already facing rejection and violence from society. If he is transgender, it does not mean he is not human and he should be treated equally.
If you see that you are worried about finding out whether your boyfriend is transgender or not, read an article about transgender. This article can help you understand what he's going through and how he's feeling
Step 4. Try to stop worrying about this
There are many other things to worry about, such as STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). If the person is transgender, wait for the person to come clean with you. If things are going well up to that point, you can come clean right away, too. What's wrong if you have to pretend you don't know right now?
If your relationship develops, you will find out the truth in the end. At that point, one of two things will happen: the relationship will continue or not. This is not doomsday. Just enjoy the person for now; if your relationship develops, that's great. If not, that's okay
Step 5. Keep an open mind
There are many happy endings that start with a date and the person does not know that the partner is transgender: It Happened to Me: I Told My Boyfriend I Was Born a Boy and Falling in Love with a Transgender Man are two notable examples.
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Sexuality is fluid. You will see that you are attracted to someone regardless of their previous gender. It is okay. Listen to your emotions and how you feel about that person. You will see that he is a nice person and that his sexuality has nothing to do with it. You just need to remove the "normal" or "gay" label that you created yourself.
However, it is very important to remember that transgender is indeed a person's gender. He is not a “man pretending to be a woman”, “a woman pretending to be a man”, or anything else. He can have any physical characteristics, and not all have the physical characteristics of his previous gender
Part 2 of 2: Respecting His Privacy
Step 1. Realize that he is not trying to set you up
Some people are so narrow-minded that they think that a transgender person who doesn't open up to his physical form is a hoax. They feel these people have no right to talk to them, seduce them, etc. Let's get the truth straight: this point of view is very degrading to them as humans. After all, you've made eye contact with them instead. Both parties are involved in the situation.
- All humans must socialize and experience seduction, romantic relationships, and love. Would you walk up to a cute girl at a bar and say, “I have a problem with committing”? Of course not, right? A transgender person has done nothing wrong by being around you and chatting with you.
- If you can't accept being transgender, be clear about it and don't overdo it. For example, "I just want you to know, I don't like transgender/LGBT people. If you can't accept this, you should stay away." This way, you don't make him feel comfortable with you. On the other hand, he can walk away. There's no need to explain your feelings at length because you might hurt her, and/or upset her.
Step 2. Know the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity
Keep in mind, it's not homosexuals who turn transgender to be normal. In fact, often the opposite is the case. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity.
Think of it this way: sexual orientation involves someone you want to have sex with. On the other hand, gender identity involves how you want to have sex
Step 3. Understand why a transgender person might be afraid to tell you this
Transgender people often experience bullying, harassment, torture, and even violence. It is often difficult to distinguish between safe and dangerous people. Especially if they've been hurt before. Transgender people may be very careful about revealing their identity to you because they don't want to put their lives at risk either.
If only the world could understand better, this wouldn't be a problem. They will certainly be happy to tell you this aspect of life
Step 4. Let him tell you later
If your relationship continues, you'll find out. Whether he says it verbally or you know it physically, the truth will surely come. And that's okay. You just have to know how you feel and what you're going to do from there. Just that. Transgenders aren't disgusting, they're not bad. They really are.
When you hear people say, "There's something you don't know about me," this could be a sign. Make him comfortable, let him know that you accept it, no matter what he will talk about. Ask why he hesitates to tell you and don't let him stop the conversation. You have to know it for your relationship to develop from here. The truth is already there, it just takes a little supportive encouragement to tell
Step 5. Understand your feelings
Dating a transgender person doesn't necessarily mean something is different about you. (For example, if you consider yourself a lesbian, and you date a transgender woman, you are still a lesbian.) The gender of a transgender person is what is felt in his heart, and this is what is important when determining sexual orientation. However, if you are dating someone of a different gender than usual. Maybe this is when you evaluate yourself and experiment.
- Maybe you are bisexual or pansexual. You may also tend to be "heteroflexible" or "homoflexible" (heterosexual/gay with exceptions) if you usually date people of a certain gender.
- Remember that sexuality is fluid. The idea that there are only men and women, heterosexual and gay, is not how human sexuality works. In addition, you won't win any prizes because you are “normal”. Updating personal drafts may be a must for this situation. And it's much better.
Warning
- Don't tell anyone else, unless your partner allows it. If your boyfriend is transgender, respect his privacy, regardless of whether you want to date him again or not. His status is a very personal thing, and you shouldn't betray his trust, even if you end up not liking him. However, some transgender people are very open about this, but really make sure that it is before telling others.
- If you're not interested in dating transgender people, that's okay. But that doesn't mean you have the right to put him down or anyone who wants to be with him. Human sexuality is highly uncertain and many people would love to associate with a transgender person.
